EDTV Page #5

CUT TO:

11B INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

My sister -- Marcia, I

mean she can't get a break. About

seven years ago she falls in love

with this Vietnamese guy who wants

to marry her so he can stay in the

country. So they get married, they

have a kid, he gets his citizenship,

immediately divorces my sister and

marries this Vietnamese woman who,

he was probably already married to

all along. She can pick 'em.

(pause)

She's got a nice

little boy, though. My nephew, Andy.

CUT TO:

11C INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

My Mom's okay. Kinda.

I knew a guy who hated his mother -

Stuey Shwam. He hated his mother so

much, he had his belly button

removed.

CUT TO:

11D INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

No, I've never been married.

The interviewer seems to be waiting for him to elaborate.

He doesn't. He shrugs -- that's it.

CUT TO:

11E INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

Oh, my father -what an a**hole. When I was

twelve, my mother needed a

hysterectomy -- my father ran

off with her nurse! And that's

the last I heard of him.

CUT TO:

11F INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

Al, my stepfather he's

opinionated. And you have to

listen because he's like in a

wheelchair.

CUT TO:

11G INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

I like my job -- I

mean I'm doing all right. I'm

not sure how long I want to stay

there, you know... I mean, I'm

thirty-one... I'm not sure I

want to be a video store clerk

when I'm forty... Of course, I

didn't expect to be doing it

'til I was thirty-one, either.

But... you know I'm... keeping

my options open. Anything comes

along, I'm ready to pounce.

(growls like a cougar)

CUT TO:

11H INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

A dream? Of course I have a

dream I just don't know what

the hell it is.

(shrugs and smiles)

Ed's image freezes, while he has a funny-cute expression on

his face.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL a TV in a conference room with Ed's

frozen image on it. Cynthia is there with her bosses, the

people who run the network that owns Real TV. The top man is

MR. SCHARLACH. His deputies are MS. SEAVER and MR. McILVAINE.

This is not the same place where we met Cynthia and her

staff. This is richer, more corporate and formal.

CYNTHIA:

He's who we want to go with.

SCHARLACH:

(doubtfully)

This guy.

CYNTHIA:

I polled my

staff. The men say they'd hang

around with him and the women say

he's fuckable. And one of the men

said he's fuckable.

SCHARLACH:

I'm not

sure about the entire concept.

Cynthia is frustrated.

CYNTHIA:

Look it's not like we're

burning up the airwaves

now. We're running neck-and-neck

with The Gardening Channel. If

people just tune in to this twice a

day for five minutes, we're a hit.

Plus we can sell advertising every

second, running at the bottom of the

screen... and the beauty is this guy

doesn't even have to be good. I mean

if he's good, great. But if he winds

up making an ass of himself, better.

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