EDTV Page #6

McILVAINE

How is that better?

CYNTHIA:

Come on. People cannot turn away

from an accident. You drive by,

you say "Ooh, I hope there's not

a head lying in the road" but you

look ! See, nobody in America

wants to be nobody. This guy

wants to be famous. So,

basically, the deal is he agrees

to drive down the highway a

hundred miles an hour blindfolded

and we get to see if his head

winds up rolling down the

highway. Fun for the whole

family. So let's do it.

She stops, waiting for approval.

12 INT. VIDEO STORE

SCHARLACH:

(coldly)

Good luck.

Ed's RE-STOCKING the SHELVES

He gets goosed from behind

RAY (O.C.)

(very loud and happy)

Hey...

ED:

(goosed)

Oh!

Ed DROPS the BOXES. Ray is there with Shari.

RAY:

I got your message. Way to go!

ED:

Hi, Shari.

(to Ray)

Let's go in the stockroom.

13 INT. STOCKROOM

Ed and Ray enter.

RAY:

So when do you start?

ED:

I ... I'm not gonna do it.

RAY:

What?

ED:

Look -- there's a

million ways to humiliate yourself -

I gotta think of a new way? I mean,

it's all day! Every minute. Id be

like a monkey at the zoo. I just...

RAY:

(disgusted)

Oh man! They

couldn't pick me! They had to pick

you!

He slaps a tape off a shelf.

ED:

You would do this? You would

actually --

RAY:

In a second! In a hot second.

Let me ask you something --

ED:

Why do you do that?

RAY:

What?

ED:

Whenever you ask me

something why do you always say "Let

me ask you something?" Why don't you

just ask me?

RAY:

(impatiently)

All right. Let

me ask you something... are you

happy like this?

ED:

I'm doing all right.

RAY:

Oh Yeah? What's your master plan here?

Shari enters, curious about the yelling. She stands there

quietly, unnoticed by the guys.

RAY (CONT'D)

You're

gonna be a video store clerk for

the rest of your life? This is your

big ambition, rearranging the

"Ernest" movies?

ED:

Screw off.

RAY:

How many

opportunities are you going to

get in your life?

ED:

I don't know.

RAY:

That's right. You

don't know. Doors don't fly open

for guys like us.

ED:

Hey. You know-- we're not the

same. I got a good life, this

job suits me. I come and go when

I please --

RAY:

Oh, don't bullshit a

bullshitter. If you're happy like

this you're an idiot, and you're not

an idiot.

(sees Shari)

Hi.

Ed turns and sees Shari. She's self-conscious. She feels like she's

been caught eavesdropping.

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