EDTV Page #4

He KISSES the LENS, smudging it.

Cynthia, watching, cracks up. The others seem to like him to.

10 INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY

This is a video store in Paramus, New Jersey. It's busy.

PEOPLE are in line to check out tapes.

WE OPEN ON a WOMAN -- a mother -- who is rummaging through her

purse for her Blockbuster card. She looks up and sees that her

TWO CHILDREN have opened several boxes of candy from the candy

display and are eating from the boxes.

MOTHER:

Oh for -- Put those -- Oh God...

She grabs the boxes from them. The boxes are ripped more than she

thought and candy goes flying all over. She bends to pick it up.

Ed appears. He works here.

ED:

(to the Mom)

We'11 take care of it.

Someone arrives with a broom.

ED (CONT'D)

(to the broom guy)

Here. This time throw it out, don't

eat it.

LOU, the Manager passes.

ED:

Lou, can I talk to you a second?

Lou seems like he'd prefer to avoid this.

LOU:

Um, yeah, I was gonna ...

ED:

What's the deal?

Did anybody make a decision -

LOU:

Ed, look, uh... you're not getting

the job. They're gonna transfer

someone from another store to manage

this store when I leave to manage

the new store. I'm sorry.

ED:

Oh, Christ. Did you go to bat for

me?

LOU:

I batted!

ED:

You batted or you bunted?

LOU:

Hey. I went as far as I felt

comfortable. I mean, you know,

let's face it -- you come and go

here as you please. You work

when you feel like it -- you

know, Bruce Springsteen's

birthday is not a legal holiday.

ED:

Well, then I'm quitting.

LOU:

Ed, come on. What's that gonna do?

You're gonna bring Blockbuster to

their knees. Let me recommend a movie

to you. It's called "Get your sh*t

together before it's too late."

ED:

(wise-ass)

Who's in it?

CLERK:

Ed, telephone.

Ed goes to the phone.

ED:

(into the phone)

Yeah... Are you serious? ... Come

on, no kidding, who is this? ...

Holy sh*t!

11 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - ANOTHER DAY

Ed is being interviewed by the "Real TV" staff whom we met earlier.

He's slightly less comfortable than on his tape, but he's good.

ED:

I had one year of college. And

then one year of junior college.

CYNTHIA (O.C.)

What did you study?

ED:

Oh, see, studying

would've been a huge help. Where

were you, then?

They LAUGH.

CUT TO:

11A INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

ED:

Well, there's Ray, my

brother. He's... ambitious. Like a

few years ago, he started this

mobile dog-grooming business. But,

like, out of his Camry. He had this

bathtub in his trunk -

(Ed starts cracking up)

he's throwing the dogs in there, they're

fighting and splashing, then he'd

slam the trunk down, let 'em run

around inside screaming getting all

wet... then he'd use the car

exhaust to dry'em.

(wiping his eyes)

Ah, Ray... he just can't get a

break.

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote