Doug Stanhope: Deadbeat Hero Page #5

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But they said that they had to move...

They took off the top head

because it was a head on underdeveloped brain.

Had little formed eyes, lips, but had underdeveloped brain.

You can't do that to the low baby without its consent, right?

I mean I have friends who work with

developed mentally disabled people.

On their own free will. And it's some really ambitious thing.

You gotta have a lot of heart to do that.

But you can't just stick a kid with a retard

there close to you all life,

just trying to go trough your days...

Just trying to read your Nancy Drew misteries

and it's up there going "[moaning]".

"Mum, I'm trying to read! Throwing[??] Cheerios on me, mum!"

"Stop it!"

You can't do that.

But I'm telling you...

This club has some of the hottest waitresses

you'll see in any club around here.

And just let me tell you this...

Let me tell you this. If I was upstairs in the bar and all of

these waitress were sitting along the bar, bold ass naked...

And a full grown two-headed girl baby

walked into the bar for a cocktail,

I would turn away from the naked girls

and go straight to her like a bug light.

Because that would be interesting.

F*** you. Yes, I'm sick f*** you wouldn't f***.

If a two-headed girl baby came into the bar,

and you're all alone sitting out there,

couldn't tell me you wouldn't at least

get a [??] in the toilet, [??]

Just to tell your friends you've

finally had that menage trois.

They were twins, that's all I'm saying. They were twins.

F***ing sisters.

Not the retarded one, I'd mouthfucked the low-headed baby.

You guys...

And you'd have to do in that 69 position, with you on top.

So there were your balls in mo[??]

of the mouth of the rubber-head.

Cause you can't come when... [moaning]

You're trying to concentrate... [moaning]

"I want to swing, sad man!" Right?

So you'd have to have the balls laying over.

Least you jizzed in that.

And you certaninly couldn't get it

in the orthodox kneeling position, cause

then rubber-head looked it up at your wall and...

"Guh! Hello!"

"Do you like my sister?"

No.

Of course I like your sister, look down!

That's what I need.

I need a 44 holes two-headed baby girl.

That's the only way I can come.

Do you know what's tempting me a lot lately?

The transvestites.

That's right!

F*** you. Judge not lest you be judged, my friend.

They're good now. Transvestites.

They build them from scratch now.

It's not like 25 years ago,

transvestites as some old dude

in a wig on a "Dunkin Donuts" commercial.

"Time to make the donuts!"

They're good!

You don't even have to pretend you got tricked anymore.

They got everything.

There got the breast implants, and they got the ass implants,

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