Doug Stanhope: Before Turning the Gun on Himself Page #3

---

Be informational and

Educational, what the f*** do

You do?

What's the cure?

You show me 52 minutes of the

Guy f***ing up and being

Hilarious, and then you fast

Forward through the intervention

Part 'cause no one wants to

Watch that.

That's just boring idiot family

Members reading hallmark cards

They wrote themselves.

"you didn't show up to sherry's

Graduation and-- "

So what do you--what happened?

And the only cure they show--

They show--oh yeah, and we flew

Him to palos altos, california

For a rehab, and he hasn't drank

Since 2007.

Well, what did you do there?!

That might be a good focal point

Of the show, is the cure for

This deadly disease!

What is the cure, dr. Drew?

Tell me what you're gonna do

With charlie sheen if you get

Him.

How do you f***ing cure these

People?

All you do is show me, you know,

Boating with gary busey.

What's the cure?

"well, we get them involved in

A--we put him in a rehab."

Well, what do you do in the

Rehab?

"well, it's a--it's a

Treatment."

Well, what is the f***ing

Treatment?

"well, we get them involved in a

Program."

Stop with the buzz words and

Tell me what exactly is the

Cure!

"oh, the cure specifically is--

(coughs)

Uh, god."

What?

What?

"yes...

(coughs)

God."

That's what you do?

That's all I do.

All these rehabs, all they do is

Funnel you into a 12-step

Program, aa and the like, and

Any 12-step program is a

God-based program.

It's like seven of the 12 steps

Are about god and giving your

Life to god.

You're a f***ing medical doctor

With a diploma over your desk.

You treat one thing and one

Thing only, and the only cure

You have for it is god?

Even your religious friends do

Not wanna hear about god during

A medical diagnosis.

It's the last word you ever

Wanna hear from a doctor.

"you know, doc, my f***ing lymph

Nodes are swollen out of my

Neck.

I look like a bullfrog.

I'm shitting blood with

Clumps in it.

I can't keep food down."

"ooh, sounds like someone needs

A higher power."

(audience cheers and applauds)

"can't we do some blood work

First, series of antibiotics,

Get a cat scan?"

"no, get on your knees and pray,

F*ggot."

You're a doctor?

"yeah, I'm on tv, too."

(laughter)

Aa makes scientology look

Credible.

It's--it's at least--

Scientology or any f***ing

Mormons or christians or

Muslims, at least the major cult

Religions have a consistent

Dogma where aa is so splatter

Shot and made up on the fly.

Aa tells you to make up your own

God if you don't already have a

God.

The big book of aa--I grew up

In aa, and I believed all this

Sh*t was true.

My mother was in aa, so as a kid

Doing homework in the back of

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes