Doug Stanhope: Before Turning the Gun on Himself Page #2
- TV-MA
- Year:
- 2012
- 67 min
- 166 Views
Your face.
Did anyone ever tell you that
You have a keen eye for the rich
And famous?
Direction.
I think you have a natural gift
To be an ambulance chaser to the
Stars.
You f***ing would step over a
Dozen dying winos in the street
Just to get to lindsay lohan's
Bedside to offer unsolicited
Twitter as a medical
Professional is wont to do."
Yeah, yeah, dr. Drew pinsky,
Celebrity rehabilitation expert.
It's like if I were a
Gynecologist, but I've found
That I--I specialize in really
Young, hot...
Shaved...
Stinkless p*ssy.
That's where I found--I just
Had a knack.
It was like a gift from god,
Just teenage norwegian p*ssy is
All I really work with anymore
Because I wanna give back.
I wanna give of myself, you
Puddle of sh*t.
And what they don't show you,
When they've--they're treating
This.
Remember this is a deadly
Disease.
Addiction is--here it comes
Again, watch.
Ah, ah.
This might look like a choice,
But it's not.
This is a deadly affliction.
Mmm, mmm.
There's no such thing as
Addiction.
I mean on the most minor levels,
There are--if you're a hardcore
Substance abuser, there is a
Might need a medical detox for a
Few days to--so you don't
Seizure up and swallow your
Tongue.
After that, it's done.
Then it's a choice.
It's right back to a f***ing
Choice.
(shudders)
whoo!
and there's no such thing as
Addiction.
There's only things that you
Enjoy doing more than life,
(audience cheers and applauds)
And that's-- it's not just drugs
And alcohol, f***ing sex
Addiction,
Eat too much pie, but, yeah--
It's what you wanna do.
And what they don't show you in
Any of these shows is--what are
You-- what do you do with
These-- you have all these shows
Exploiting shitheads.
You know, "intervention."
"intervention's" an hour-long
Show and 52 minutes of it is
Some f***ing stumblebum being
Followed around by a camera,
Shitting his pants, puking in
Trashcans and losing his job
Because that's fun to watch.
It really is.
It's easily exploitable.
That's why cigarettes--they're
Far more dangerous than anything
That they show, like an
Intervention, but you don't see
That episode.
There's not the--the cigarette,
Because no one wants to watch
52 minutes of a guy going...
(laughter)
"it's killing me."
So they have to get the
Stumblebum just, you know,
Shitting his pants and knocking
Over the turkey at his aunt
Nancy's house on thanksgiving
Morning because you're trying to
Drink her mouthwash because it's
Fun to watch.
But what they don't ever show
You is the cure.
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