Dirty Grandpa Page #6

with that gypsy girl

you like.

- I don't like her.

- Yes, you do.

That's why you didn't deny

being a photographer

for Time magazine.

You can hang out with her,

I can have

vaginal sex with Lenore.

It all works out!

We can even go visit

my old army buddy, Stinky.

Stinky?

Which tiki bar are they in?

Sh*t. Sh*t. Sh*t.

- What's that?

- It's Meredith.

Please,

I've got to answer that.

Tell her to f*** off.

Grandpa!

I'm just gonna check

the testosterone levels

on your phone first.

Grandpa, give me

my phone now!

Just as I thought.

Pretty low.

This is Meredith calling...

Sh*t!

Now, look what you did,

you dropped it

in the car's vagina.

God damn it,

I have to put it on speaker.

Don't say anything.

I will not say a word.

Ballbags!

Hey! Who was that?

No one. We're in a restaurant.

Sorry.

"Who's that?"

- What's up?

- Okay...

Well, I really want them

to post

our wedding announcement

on the New York Times website

before our rehearsal

brunch Friday,

so I just wanted to run

your section back to you.

Yeah, you know, now's

really not a good time...

Jason? Can we just

do this please?

"Can we do this now?"

"Jason Richard Kelly,

son of..."

"Doctor Smegma

Von BoxMunchers."

"David and Brooke,

"is a junior associate

at the law firm of..."

"Cream pie fart

and donkey punch!"

Okay, who is that?

It's no one. It's a waiter

with pretty bad Tourette's,

I think...

He just keeps walking by

yelling weird sh*t,

I don't know why...

Okay, well,

what restaurant are you at?

I can barely even

hear you now.

We're at

Chuck E. Cheese's...

Daytona f***ing Beach!

Daytona f***ing Beach!

You're right, buddy!

You're in Daytona Beach?

Listen, we're just driving

through Daytona Beach.

We're en route to Grandpa's...

Jason!

I don't know why you're there,

but you'd better call me

from your grandfather's house

when you get there

tonight, okay?

Of course, baby.

I love you so much...

- F***!

- Marriage is hard.

What'd the hot

college girls text back?

Grandpa, what are you

texting them?

I just texted them.

What are you texting them?

"We'll meet you on the beach."

Yeah, and I added the emoji

with the wink

and the tongue out.

I'm not kidding,

Grandpa.

You realize

that if I don't call her

from your house

in Boca tonight,

I'm f***ed, man,

I'm f***ed.

Jesus. Sounds like

you're marrying

your f***ing

parole officer.

It's just Meredith.

It's the way she is, man.

She just gets,

like, anxious

when she doesn't know

exactly where I am.

Don't panic.

It's organic.

Yeah, I know. Couples get

in fights all the time.

But it's different

with Meredith.

She takes it

to another level, man,

and I'm telling you,

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