Delivery Man Page #4

Andrew! Andrew!

Those were my genes.

My genes were on a professional

basketball court tonight!

In a way, you could say that

that was an extension of myself

that hit that game-winning shot!

I mean, do your kids play

professional basketball?

No, not to my knowledge.

But I will inquire.

They don't tell me everything.

So, I've been thinking

that we could plead insanity.

- What?

- I don't know.

Maybe you would

not be held responsible

for actions taken

while mentally unstable.

We could bank

on your mental problems.

I don't have mental problems.

I don't have mental problems!

When we're in court,

I want you to say it exactly that way.

One, two, three, Wozniak!

Let's go.

Come on! One, two. One, two. One two.

Big time, big time, big time!

Let's play some basketball.

Come in. Back up, back up!

Hurry up! Come up, up, up!

- Are you allowed to hit the arm?

- No.

Okay. Pick and roll!

Let's go! Back, back, back! D, D, D!

Great steal! Here we go, hit me!

I'm going in for the jam. Okay, not a jam.

What the hell position is he playing?

A little help? Thank you.

All right.

Why don't we meet up back here at two?

Emma!

Uh...

Give me a second?

I have officially decided to have a life.

I'm at work.

I'm going to convince you

that I deserve to be this kid's father.

I'm sorry, excuse me.

Four days in a row,

I have not had any sleep.

But I've never been so happy in my life.

I never thought that

I would love anyone that much.

The kid poops four times a day

and I think I'm losing my mind.

I think I'm going crazy, because I swear

his diapers make me so proud.

I'm totally convinced that my child

takes way better dumps

than any other kid.

Your brother wants parental leave

so he can spend more time

admiring his son's diapers.

It's the law, okay?

I'm entitled to parental leave.

I had three kids, and two hours

after each of them was born,

I was here, serving customers.

You absolutely have to have kids, David.

What?

My girlfriend's pregnant.

You got a girlfriend?

Yeah.

David, you're gonna love it.

You are gonna love it.

Your kid is never gonna poop

as good as my kid,

but you are gonna love it.

- Can you believe that?

- No.

I promise,

I will only be gone an hour.

No, I won't. Look, I've called everyone.

How many times have I covered for you?

Oh, my God, man.

I'm begging you, man.

I really, really need

you to do this for me.

I can't even talk to you.

Yeah?

Can I help you?

I'll have a espresso to go, please.

' Said "to 90."

Is there a lid?

Do you have a lid?

Usually, you get a lid

when you order a coffee to go.

$3.25.

You could be a bit more polite.

Polite?

I'm a customer.

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