Dating My Mother Page #6

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we won't even need a condom.

What?

Oh, God. Okay.

Seriously, I'm not gonna have

sex with you, okay.

But if you want a blowj*b,

let's meet up.

- That's it?

- Yes.

I don't even know

where you've been, man.

And honestly, I don't really

want to have sex right now.

I had a huge dinner.

Just a little ass play?

[sighs]

Okay.

Where do you want to meet?

Let me see that ass,

one more time.

- Ooh.

- [man] Bend over.

- What? Oh.

- Bend over.

[man moaning]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's,

like, a park around the corner

if you just wanna meet there.

Um...

F***ing son of a b*tch.

[Danny]

So what's this guy's name again?

Chester.

Hmm. Chester.

Yeah.

Isn't that like a dog's name?

Be nice.

He's nice.

He's nice.

So, guess it's back

to the web then.

What?

No.

Nice is good.

Why is nice bad?

I don't know.

I just feel like it's...

what you say when there's, like,

nothing really else to say.

Oh, no.

I think nice is good.

Nice and... sweet and fun.

Are you sure you're not, like...

settling?

I don't think so.

We were there

for almost an hour

before we even ordered.

Just talking.

He texted me good night, too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

So what's he do?

He's in plastics.

And before you call him a blood-sucking

demon, they're renewable.

They're made of corn.

Did you check his credentials?

- Lisa did.

- Hmm.

Oh, and he's an artist.

He plays guitar in a band.

Stop it.

What? I thought

you'd appreciate that.

I do. It's just... classic.

Anyway, I brought a bottle

of wine to dinner.

It's, you know, a BYOB place.

- The best.

- Hmm.

I didn't wanna take your red,

but all I had was

a giant magnum of Pinot.

- You didn't.

- I did.

But I left it in the car.

By the time I remembered,

we were on to dessert.

He said we'd have

to split the wine next time.

- Next time?

- Yeah.

- [phone chimes]

- Ooh, maybe that's him.

It is.

I sent him one of those picture

thingys a video picture.

- A GIF?

- Yeah.

Is that how it's pronounced?

No one really knows.

What are you doing?

Texting.

You can't respond right away.

You sent him three messages

in a row.

Mom, no.

What?

You gotta play the game.

Game? What game?

Chester doesn't think like that.

You went on, like,

a date with him.

How do you know

how he thinks?

[giggling]

Here, will you drive? I don't

want to text behind the wheel.

Sure.

[TV plays indistinctly]

What's another way

to say LOL?

Okay. I think you need

younger friends.

Aw! Joan, like, deserves it.

How did they meet?

[Danny]

Some dating site actually.

I was pretty sure, like, she

would meet some duds at first,

but she kinda hit the jackpot.

Good for her.

Those are, like,

really in right now.

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