Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest Page #5

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It's the hold music for

the hard-core gay chat lines.

It's everywhere!

What do you want?

Melons, please.

Hold on.

Fadoodle doodle do

You know, I didn't know

that Kenny G was a real person

for the longest time.

I thought it was just

a computer program

that helped you relax...

'cause it's been proven

by science.

It's been proven that

the sound of Kenny G, that..

Fadoodle doodle

That physically has an effect

on you.

That physically relaxes

your muscles.

Fadoodle doodle do

Fadoodle doodle do do do

Feel what's happening

in your buttocks right now.

Fadoodle doodle do

Do do do-do do

If I keep doing this,

you'll sh*t yourself.

Some of you may be ahead

of the curve, I don't know.

Fadoodle doodle do do do

I didn't think Kenny G was

a real person until I met him.

Shut up, Craig.

You did not.

You f***ing shut up.

I did.

I did.

There was a big Hollywood party,

and there was some kind of

a mix-up, 'cause I was invited.

So I went, and...

Kenny G was the entertainment.

But it was the most amazing,

like, type of performance

I'd ever seen in my life.

It wasn't like,

"Ladies and gentlemen, Kenny G,"

and he came down the stairs.

Fadoodle doodle do

He didn't do that.

He was just walking around

the party fadoodling.

Like...

Fadoodle doodle do do do

Fadoodle do

You'd be talking to someone,

and he would be like,

"I think I can hear Kenny...

Oh, Kenny G!"

Fadoodle doodle do do do

He was like Mr. Tumnus with his

little hooves and his flute.

Fadoodle doodle do do do

It was the most amazing style

of performance

I'd ever seen in my life.

It was like he was there,

but he was not there.

Like he was in the room,

but he wasn't in the room.

It was like you had

to believe in him,

or your couldn't see him!

And then I figured out

what the G stands for.

God.

That's right.

His full name is Kenneth God.

That's right. After you die,

that's what you hear.

Fadoodle doodle do do do

For eternity.

See, that's what proves

that all artistic criticism

is subjective

and has no factual value,

because for people who love

Kenny G, that'd be Heaven.

For people who hate Kenny G,

it'd be hell.

You know, for example,

if I die and I hear...

Fadoodle doodle do

I'll be like, "Oh, sh*t.

I totally misread that."

But people who love Kenny G,

they'd be like...

Fadoodle doodle do do do

"Oh, it's all been worth it."

Fadoodle do

"And the biscuit

does turn into Jesus?"

Fadoodle doodle do

Some people love...

You know who loves Kenny G...

I was like, "That's weird."

And then,

"No, it kind of makes sense."

Is Bill Clinton loves Kenny G.

But...No, he does, but it makes

sense, 'cause you think,

well, Bill Clinton's

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