Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest

Synopsis: In his second comedy special for EPIX, Craig Ferguson puts his sometimes cheeky, always irreverent spin on universal topics from sex and drugs to rock & roll-including his hilarious experiences with Mick Jagger and Kenny G.
Director(s): Jay Chapman
 
IMDB:
7.6
Year:
2015
75 min
13 Views

It's a great day for America,

everybody!

It's...

It's a great day for me.

I finally get to use my sign!

You'd be surprised

how many times in America

they're not that happy to see

that sign.

We've been touring.

They're like, "This is

Greensboro, North Carolina.

Boo!"

Who's smoking weed?

I can smell weed.

What the f*ck?

Look, this is an intervention.

Actually, I'm not doing a show.

We're worried

about your weed use.

You got any weed up there

in the cheap seats?

Any weed going on up there?

I'm very happy to be here.

If you've ever seen me before,

first of all, I apologize...

no refunds.

And secondly,

you know what I like to do

every evening is tell a joke,

just one joke,

but a great joke...

the best joke in the world.

Yeah. No, that's true.

If you Google the...

All right.

I want to encourage you.

No, the...

No, no, no, no.

I'm over it.

Anyway, look,

this is the number-one joke

in the English language,

this joke,

and the number-one joke

in the United States.

And if you know anything

about me,

you know I'm

a very patriotic American.

No irony, no bullshit,

very patriotic.

I start every show with

"It's a great day for America."

That's my thing.

That's my catch...

Don't. No, it's all right.

It's my catchphrase...

"It's a great day for America."

I tried other catchphrases.

I tried,

"That sounded dirty."

Just kind of creep people out.

And then,

"See you in hell, amigos!"

And nobody could make any sense

of that one.

My own personal favorite...

"F*ck you, Dr. Phil!"

But...

None of them took off,

so it's a great day for America.

That's my thing that I say.

That's the one I'll be saying

for the rest of my life.

That's the one I'll be saying

when I'm doing ads

for local car dealerships.

Come on down to Toyotathon,

cheeky monkeys.

Look at these deals

in new and used models.

It's a great day for America.

That's the big blowy guy

out front.

I don't know.

Oh, I see what you're doing.

It's the big blowy guy

out front.

Did any of you see

the big blowy guy out front?

Hello. I think you know

what I'm saying.

It's not a great idea having

a catchphrase, to be honest,

if you do what I do,

because people get very angry

if you forget to say it.

I won't say where, but recently

in Greensboro, North Carolina,

I came out, and I forgot to say,

"It's a great day for America,"

and there was a gentleman

waiting for me

at the stage door.

And I'm not talking, like,

in Broadway,

where the gentleman has

a top hat and a scarf

and says, "Can I take you

to a supper club, young missy?"

I mean...

Ooh, here's hoping tonight.

But, no, I mean,

there was a guy waiting.

I think...I'm pretty sure

he was armed.

He was like, "Why didn't you say

it was a great day for America?"

I was like,

"I just forgot, man."

He's like, "You didn't forget.

I know what you're doing.

I seen Homeland."

It was like,

"No, man, I forgot."

People get mad at you

if you forget to say it,

and people get mad at you

if you say it.

There's always one every night,

if I come out and I'm like,

"Oh, it's a great day

for America," they'll be

somebody like, "Why is it

a great day for America, Craig?

My cat got shingles today."

"My cat, which is

coincidentally named America."

It's all right.

Cats can't get shingles.

It's just a joke.

I don't think they can get

shingles, anyway.

I don't know, I'm not a doctor,

just like Dr. Phil isn't.

No, I don't know.

Shingles is...I mean, I wouldn't

wish shingles on a cat.

It's a terrible thing.

It is. If you've ever

had shingles, it's awful.

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Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-American television host, comedian, author and actor. He was the host of both the syndicated game show Celebrity Name Game (2014–2017), for which he has won two Daytime Emmy Awards, and of Join or Die with Craig Ferguson (2016) on History. He was also the host of the CBS late-night talk show The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014). In 2017 he released a web show with his wife Megan, titled Couple Thinkers. It ran for six episodes from October 9, 2017. It is available on YouTube. After starting his career in Britain with music, comedy and theatre, Ferguson moved to the United States where he appeared in the role of Nigel Wick on the ABC sitcom The Drew Carey Show (1996–2004). He has written and starred in three films, directing one of them, and has appeared in several others, including several voice-over roles for animations. Ferguson has also written two books: Between the Bridge and the River, a novel, and American on Purpose, a memoir. He was naturalised as a United States citizen in 2008. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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"Craig Ferguson Just Being Honest" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 10 Dec. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/craig_ferguson_just_being_honest_6013>.

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