College Page #3

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(BLOWING RASPBERRY)

Dude, I am so going.

MAN:
(SINGING) I gotta move

While the streets ahead are sunny

Fall in love with some honey

Oh, mama

I gotta move

It's time I broke out into the open

You know I'll settle down again some day

Dude, this is definitely better

than the brochure!

KEVIN:
Yeah, man,

I've got a good feeling about this.

Good feeling? What kind of good feeling?

Like your-boy-Carter's-gonna-get-laid

kind of feeling?

'Cause I have that feeling too, and I love it!

I don't know, man, just everything.

I'm ready to have fun.

Yeah, man, good!

Positive vibes. Positive vibes.

Okay, Kev, it says here that the campus

tour is at 12:
30 tomorrow afternoon.

And there's a pre-frosh reception tonight

before dinner in the main...

Okay, that's enough!

That is enough. No more.

That's our schedule for the weekend!

Dude, Morris, f*** schedules, man!

We're in college now.

You know what that means?

No parents! No curfew! Free f***ing beer!

It does not get any better than this!

Except for that.

Dude, slow down, slow down.

Hey, what's up, ladies?

You on your way to class?

No. We just like carrying all these books

around for fun.

(LAUGHING) Right!

A girl's got to read, huh? Awesome.

So, look, we're in town for the weekend,

and we were just kind of wondering

if you guys could, I mean, I don't know,

show us around?

New guys, huh?

What college are you visiting from?

No, no, see, we're not in college.

- We're actually still in high school.

- CARTER:
What the f***?

- I hate you so much!

- Stop it!

You're crushing my testicles!

- What my friend meant to say was...

- F*** off!

All righty then. I'll see you guys later.

Hey, green shirt, if I give you $5 right now,

would you fart in a can

and let me just keep it in my bedroom?

I'll never open it! I promise.

These dorms are whack.

Why do we have to stay here?

You don't have to, Carter.

This is where the admissions board

put me and Kevin.

Look, I got a cousin who's a legacy

in one of the fraternities.

I'm sure if we go there, they'll hook us up.

- Yeah, my parents would love that.

- Yeah.

Enough, you guys! Look, I don't see

what's so bad about this, Carter.

(MAN MOANING)

(WHIPPING ON TV)

- What?

- ALL:
God!

(WOMAN MOANING ON TV)

- Hi.

- Hey, there.

I'm Morris.

I'm Kevin, Kevin Brewer,

prospective freshman.

We're supposed to be staying in your room

this weekend.

Right.

Look, fellows, I'm gonna need about

So just come back later.

Probably just working out.

Yeah, he's just working out one of these.

- Disgusting!

- How's that frat house sound, guys?

Pretty good? Awesome.

KEVIN:
Okay, dude, do you actually know

where you're going?

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