College Page #4

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Dude, relax! It's right up here, I think.

All right, dude, I'm not perfect, all right?

All these Greek letters

look the same to me.

Maybe we should go back

and try the dorm again.

You shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!

Or not. That's cool, too.

Holy sh*t. Those chicks

definitely weren't in the brochure.

- Hey, guys.

- Hey.

- What's up, college girls?

- Ladies.

- I'm Morris.

- Hi, Morris.

- She said my name.

- Chicks are smoking hot! Yeah.

"Chicks are smoking hot"?

Come on, real smooth, Carter.

Yeah. Smooth.

Whatever! All you got out was your name.

Which she repeated back to me,

I'd like to note.

Shut up.

(PELLET GUN FIRES)

Jesus!

- Nut shot.

- Ten points!

Get some.

Shitty news, dudes.

Dean Chandler has denied our petition,

and we're still on probation.

Sh*t!

I guess he's taking that whole

singing thing pretty seriously.

Looking good, Goose.

Looks like we got another semester

without any pledges.

This f***ing blows, man!

What's the point of college

if you can't have pledges?

Sh*t!

(PELLET GUN FIRING)

F***!

MAN:
F***!

Son of a...

That's it.

This just might be the year to graduate.

- What?

- What?

- No.

- Yeah, I didn't think it'd come so soon.

You can't graduate. You're Bearcat.

- You're an institution.

- I know.

I'm scared to graduate.

It seems like torturing pledges,

that's all I'm good at.

That's not true, and you know that.

You're good at a lot of things.

Cooper, tell him what he's good at.

Like... Like the keg toss.

And you take the biggest dumps

in the house. Right?

Yeah. Nobody beats you at that.

It's like a real gift.

It is, isn't it?

Thanks, guys. I feel a lot better.

- Hang in there, big guy.

- You're all right.

Hang in there.

We'll figure this whole pledge thing out,

I promise.

Hey, man, is this the Beta Phi house?

What? You can't read Greek?

My cousin is a legacy here.

- Yeah? Who's your cousin?

- Toby Scott.

You mean Queef?

- What?

- Queef.

- What's a queef?

- A p*ssy fart.

It's his pledge name.

- Who'd want that name?

- Yeah, he earned it.

I'd like to help you guys out, with you

being his cousin and everything, but...

Hey! Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Come on, man.

Look, we're in high school, you know?

We're just up here to party, you know?

Is that too much to ask?

You guys are a bunch of high school kids?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, okay? Go try the dorms.

- A legacy, dude?

- Yeah, he's... I...

I can't believe they call Toby "Queef."

Toby kicks ass.

What did those guys want?

A couple of high school kids

looking to crash here for the weekend.

One of them was Queef's cousin.

Remember him?

God, that guy could toss a salad.

That thing he did with his tongue?

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