College Page #2

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Dude, is that the kind of sh*t

you would say to Gina?

God! No wonder she dumped your ass.

You're f***ing lame.

- What's up, fellows?

- What's up, Fletcher?

What's up with Negative Nancy over here?

Gina dumped him.

He's having a breakdown.

Cool. So are you guys going on some sort

of road trip to Fieldmont this weekend?

- I don't think I'm going anymore.

- That's too bad.

I just went there last weekend

to visit my bro.

I almost didn't make it back.

"Almost didn't make it back"?

Dude, it's just college.

Yeah, yeah, just college.

Yeah, see, that's what I thought, too.

And then I went,

and I'm telling you guys right now,

it is f***ing nuts, man. It's retarded.

Why? What happened?

You guys want to know?

Basically, this is how it went down.

I didn't sleep for three days, okay?

I don't have any money left

in my bank account.

I maxed out my parents' credit card,

which was only supposed

to be used in case of an emergency.

I lost my cell phone,

which is actually my dad's cell phone.

So he's pissed about that

and the credit card.

I tried smoking a tampon,

which I thought was a big fat joint.

Still got high. Stole a car,

got in a bar fight, ate some goldfish.

Played naked Frisbee, did some whip-its,

wet my brother's bed twice.

Sh*t my pants, once,

but please don't tell anyone,

'cause I'm kind of embarrassed about that.

Saw two girls make out.

With tongue! With tongue!

Watched my brother's roommates

eat as many cheeseburgers as they could

until one of them puked.

Found a tattoo on my lower back

of a unicorn.

Don't remember getting that.

Figure I'll just tell people

it's some sort of killer unicorn.

You know? So it doesn't seem so gay.

I laughed. I cried. Fell in love.

Yeah, and did I mention earlier

that I got laid?

Three times. Different girls, yeah.

So all in all, I'd say it was pretty much

the best weekend of my f***ing life.

Yeah.

Dude, you should go.

What if I could have a weekend like that,

a weekend like Fletcher's?

How? No way.

Who knows if he's even telling the truth?

Come on, man. What if he was?

You heard him.

All the craziness, the partying, the sex,

the drinking, it sounds incredible.

You know, maybe I'll even get a tattoo.

Wait, you're joking, right?

You got me, Kev. That's a good one.

Partying, drinking, sex. Up top.

I'm not kidding, Morris.

You know, maybe Gina's right, I'm no fun.

A weekend like Fletcher's

is exactly what I need.

Kev, having some crazy weekend

to get back at Gina is a really bad idea.

Or a really good idea,

and I say go for it.

B*tch.

You know what? I'm gonna go for it.

In fact, I'm gonna have a better weekend

than Fletcher.

Yes!

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

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