Colin Quinn: The New York Story Page #6

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What about what doesnt exist?

What about those abandoned buildings?

They saved their money

from the sweatshops.

Show up, Department of Buildings,

Irish civil servant.

Nobodys asked him a question

in 12 years. He loves his job.

Hell take a three-hour liquid lunch

whenever he feels like it.

Then, these two cultures never met.

The Jewish guys like, Excuse me.

I'm wondering about--

We want to buy the abandoned building.

Hes like,

Thats the citys. Its not for sale.

So, other people just walk away.

Irish people are like, Oh.

Just curious.

When you say that's the city, is that you?

Is there somebody I should talk to?

The Irish guys like, Pushy bastard.

Do you believe the pushy f***?

Irish guy tries to scare him. Trust me.

You dont want to deal with the city.

Paperwork, inspectors, licenses,

Department of Sanitation,

Department of Health, permits.

He thinks hes scaring the guy.

He doesnt realize

hes turning him on right now.

The Jews arent scared of the paperwork.

Everybody else:
Get the paperwork

done quick. Just sign it.

The Jews are like, Whoa, whoa.

Dont rush me on this paperwork.

Now I am a little suspicious that youre

trying to get me past this paperwork.

I want my nephew-- Hes an accountant.

Id like him to look at it, too.

Thats what the Jews did.

They came and they saw what didnt--

What about that?

What about the fish market?

You wanna be partners? "If you dont,

tell me." Ill be in. Im doin it.

What about the, uh, vaudeville?

Thats puppet shows.

Its fine for cowboys in Montana.

Were supposed

to be civilized people here. You know.

Cultural Center, Lincoln Center,

Carnegie Hall, City Center, all Jews.

Not just the people that started.

I mean, look on the chairs.

Melvin Tannenbaum.

Even out here.

The Michael and Lenore Schimmel Center.

Thats where we are right now.

You know Lenore was like,

You said we were gonna do the thea--"

Okay, okay. Ill do it.

And the audience is all Jews

every night. Right now.

The whole audience... No, wait. Wait.

Once in a while, a couple of young Asians.

Their cousins a cellist.

Otherwise, the whole audience are Jews.

So...

They like the culture, the intelligen--

The New York Times.

Eskimos have 30 words for snow.

Jews have twice that many for stupid.

Schmuck, schmo, schlub, schmendrick.

We could be here all day

on the schs alone.

And they brought that linguistic thing

that we still speak to this day.

All of us still speak that,

uh, art of complaint.

A minor inconvenience in apocalyptic

terminology came from the Jews.

Like, How was traffic? Bad? Murder.

Hows the line in there?

A bloodbath. Ill be honest with you.

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