Colin Quinn: The New York Story

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Young and pretty New York City girl

Twenty-five, 35,

hello, baby, New York City girl

You grew up ridin the subways,

running with people

Up in Harlem, down on Broadway

Youre no tramp, but youre no lady

Talkin that street talk

Youre the heart and soul

of New York City

And love

Love is just a passing word

Its the thought you had

In a taxi cab that got left

on the curb

-Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, folks.

Folks, thank you. Thank you.

-All right. Stop, folks. Stop!

Stop it, folks. Folks.

-Enough.

Im not kidding. Ill stop the show.

-Ill stop the show.

Folks, Im not playing games.

Ill stop the show. Enough applause.

If you want exuberance--

This is a New York show. Its not--

Exuberance is the West Coast.

Thats my whole point.

Applause is killin this city.

Understand me?

The West Coast--

exuberant, enthusiastic people--

Thats what theyre supposed to be,

cause its paradise on earth.

So theyre happy and enthusiastic,

perpetually surprised

by everything that goes on.

Oh. The mountains, the beach. Ah.

Everything they do,

theyve done it a hundred times.

Its like the first time.

You wanna go to the store? Yeah!

Midwest-- Humble, hard workin.

They had to farm.

So they got that personality.

The South. Very hot. Very polite.

Overly polite because, you know,

could get a little violent

if youre not careful.

I dont know about you,

but I got a concealed carry permit myself.

New England, its like theyre always

gettin hit by mist from the water.

New York is New York.

Were what everybody says we are.

Rude, opinionated, pushy,

loud, fast-talking, sarcastic, wiseass.

But what people dont understand is,

whats rude to the rest of the country

is polite to us and vice versa.

Because, if I go to a pizza place,

and like, Gimme a slice.

-Thats polite. Because...

...youre not tryin to hold the line.

Theres a line.

Youre not tryin to slow--

If you go into a pizza place like,

Hi, how are you? You must be hot.

Thats rude. You know what Im sayin?

There's no stools.

They want you to walk and eat your food.

You have to fold your food and walk.

I remember once, when I was little kid,

we went to Maine.

On, like, a family vacation to Maine.

We go to the general store.

I wanted to kill myself in five minutes.

I was like-- You walk in, the guys like,

Oh, havent seen you around.

Sir, who cares? Gimme my--

What do you care? Give me my soda.

You... visiting?

No, I live here. Im just very shy.

Its my first day out of the house.

You new in town? No, Im the mayor.

I just got elected actually.

But, um, yeah.

New York, its always like somebodys

hurrying you somehow.

Its just a rushed kind of vibe.

But the thing is

it's a pedestrian city too.

Its a city for walkers, not cars.

Thats why youll notice

every car acts like a person,

and every person acts like a car.

Pedestrians are in charge.

They walk like they--

Youve seen it a hundred times. They

walk in the street, the cars just stop.

The drivers like, Ooh, I almost got hit

by that person. That was close.

Its just a rushed and hurried thing.

Even as a kid, in church:

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know.

Come on. Hurry up.

Yeah, the New York personality, thats us.

So where-- Why did

the New York personality form?

How did all these cultures come together

to make the New York attitude?

Well, first of all, you have to realize,

all the people that came here

came here cause they were miserable

wherever they were.

So now, you know, you got a city filled

with miserable people, to begin with.

The first people were Lenape Indians.

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