Chris Rock: Bigger & Blacker Page #5

And they always been on Clinton.

Before any of this happened,

they was on Clinton.

What was they on him for?

Gays in the military.

Everybody says, ''Don't let them in.''

lf they wanna fight, let them fight,

'cause l ain't fighting.

l wouldn't give a f*** if l saw a Russian tank

rolling down Flatbush Avenue.

l ain't shooting nobody. So call me a f*ggot.

When the war is over,

l'll be the f*ggot with two legs, thank you.

You know what's f***ed up?

Everybody gets so homophobic.

People, we need to cut that sh*t out...

'cause everybody in this room

got at least a gay cousin.

Every last one of you got a gay cousin.

You knew he was gay when y'all was kids.

You was playing ball, he was jumping rope.

He didn't turn gay, he was gay then.

He just didn't have nobody to be gay with.

Sh*t, l got a gay uncle. Call him Aunt Tom.

Every Christmas,

he comes over with his ''friend.''

See, it don't make no sense to hate nobody.

lt don't make no sense to be a racist,

sexist, or nothing, but.... lt don't.

lt doesn't.

lt don't make no sense...

'cause whoever you hate

will end up in your family.

That's right, you don't like gays,

you're gonna have a gay son.

You don't like Puerto Ricans?

Your daughter's gonna come home with

''Livin' la vida loca!''

Don't you just love that sh*t?

That's a catchy-ass song.

You just want to jump up on sh*t.

''Livin' la vida loca!

''Come on!''

l feel that sh*t.

l'll be driving, ''Livin' la vida loca!''

l love that sh*t.

That ain't going nowhere.

That's gonna be out a long time.

That sh*t is like the Puerto Rican

Whoomp! (There It Is)!

l was talking about my gay uncle.

See, your uncles prepare you for life.

lf you got enough uncles,

they'll prepare you for life...

'cause you got every type of uncle.

You got your gay uncle,

you got your alcoholic uncle.

You got your stealing uncle.

You got your molester uncle.

Everybody's got that one molester uncle.

Your mama's like, ''Where them kids at?''

-''They're with Johnny.''

-''Get them kids!

''Hurry up, get them kids!

Don't leave them with your Uncle Johnny!''

Later on, you get molested,

your mama get mad at you.

''That's what you get.

''Hanging around f***ing Johnny.

l told you about that sh*t!

''Now walk it off!''

That's your family.

l don't know. Let's talk about Clinton.

One thing Clinton did l didn't like,

raise taxes. Taxes all high and sh*t.

You know what's f***ed-up about taxes?

You don't even pay taxes. They take tax.

You get your check, money gone.

That ain't a payment, that's a jack.

Got all these taxes:

city tax, state tax, Social Security tax.

You don't get the money until you're 65.

Meanwhile, the average black man

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