Chris Rock: Bigger & Blacker Page #3

Think about everything

that the real daddy does:

pay the bills, buy the food,

put a f***ing roof over your head.

Everything you could ever ask for.

Make your world a better, safer place.

And what does Daddy get for all his work?

The big piece of chicken.

That's all Daddy gets...

is the big piece of chicken.

That's right. And some women don't want

to give up the big piece of chicken.

''Who the f*** is you...

''to keep the big piece of chicken?

''How dare you keep

the big piece of chicken!''

A man can't work 1 2 hours

and come home to a wing.

When l was a kid,

my mama would lose her mind...

if one of us ate the big piece of chicken

by accident.

''What the f***!

You ate the big piece of chicken?

''Oh, Lord! No, no.

''Now l got to take some chicken

and sew it up and sh*t.

''Get me two wings and a pork chop.

Daddy'll never know the difference.''

Just can't do it. Can't do it.

l don't know, man. The world's nuts.

lt's all good for Clinton.

Any time something bad happens,

it's good for Bill Clinton.

Just gets people off his ass.

''Stop thinking about me. Good.

Kids got shot. Good.

''Good. People are not thinking about me.

''Tornadoes. Good.

''People ain't thinking about me.''

Clinton damn near got impeached, for what?

For what?

Lied about a blowj*b

so his wife wouldn't find out.

ls that against the law?

Do you need the Supreme Court

for that one?

You could have took that one

to The People's Court!

Could have took that one to Judge Judy.

She'd have knocked it out in a half hour,

plus commercials.

What the f*** did Clinton do?

They was charging him with sh*t

l didn't even know was crimes.

''You got her some gifts.''

So what he got her gifts? That's his friend.

You can't buy your friend a gift?

''Tried to get her a job.''

You can't get your friend a job?

Sh*t, 80% of the people in this room

got their job...

because a friend recommended them.

lt's against the law to get your friend a job?

Sh*t, she blew him for a couple of months.

The least he could do

is give her a recommendation!

lt's the least he could do.

See, people...

everybody expects this holy behavior

'cause he's the President.

Expect him to behave this holy way.

He's just the President.

He ain't Rev. Clinton.

lt ain't Pastor Clinton.

lt ain't Maharajah Clinton.

lt is just Bill Clinton.

He's just a man. A man's gonna be a man.

A man is basically as faithful as his options.

That's how faithful a man is,

no more, no less.

You see all these

fat Republican guys going:

''l would never do such a thing.

This is a travesty.''

l'm like, ''Nobody's trying to blow you.''

Ain't no 20-year-old girls

trying to blow Orrin Hatch.

Rate this script:3.7 / 3 votes