Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy Page #3

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Would you care to take a guess?

-ls it a mountain lion?

-Yes.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(GASPS) Are you serious?

But that was a total shot in the dark.

Congratulations, Kevin.

You've won 100,000 dick dollars

and a chance to go for one million.

-Are you ready for the bonus round?

-Absolutely.

All right, Kevin. Name that animal penis.

Can we hurry this along, please?

I have a plane to catch.

(ROADRUNNER HONKING)

Holy sh*t. I did it.

He's under there. I got him.

I f***ing got him.

Jesus, I'm gonna need a shovel.

Mmm !

This is delicious.

It's like when you work for your meal,

when you really work for it,

it just tastes that much better, you know?

So, what are you gonna do now?

Huh.

Never really thought about it.

Been chasing this damn bird for 20 years,

I'm not really trained for anything else.

I guess I kind of

let my life get away from me.

Well, I'm sure something will turn up.

(CHATTERING ON TV)

Okay, that's a pastrami on rye,

a pasta salad, two Diet Cokes...

No, no, no.

It was one Coke and one Diet Coke.

-Oh, God, I'm sorry...

-Well, we've been waiting an hour.

-l know, I'm sorry...

-What the hell kind of place is...

(SHOUTING) I'm sorry.

God damn it, I'm sorry, all right?

I'm just having some f***ing

identity issues right now, all right?

I can't think straight, and l...

Just get off my back

-because you don't know what it's like.

-Wile E., you're fired.

Mom and Dad, f***ing forgive me for this.

And then, all of a sudden, it hit me.

I knew who I wanted to be.

And I untied myself from that catapult,

and here I am.

-Well, that is such a relief.

-l know, I know.

So, if you have about 45 minutes, l'd like

to talk to you about the Lord Jesus Christ.

Oh, sh*t.

MAN:
Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

(LAUGHS)

Thank you.

(SINGING) The sky is looking oh so blue

And all of me just seems so new

The sun is shining bright

And everything's allright

'Cause I just came inside of you

WOMAN:
Ow!

Hey, you're not a dead body.

-No, I'm Helena Bonham Carter.

-Oh.

Yeah, it's an honest mistake.

Happens all the time.

Ow!

God, this is incredibly uncomfortable.

Okay, I did not agree to a threesome.

(GRUNTS)

I'm gonna get in shape.

But not today.

(LAUGHS)

I'm gonna go get a sandwich instead.

Sir Gallant,

I have summoned you here today

to ask you to serve your king and country.

The dragon that has been wreaking havoc

throughout this land must be stopped.

-Yeah?

-And you must slay this ferocious beast.

-F***, no.

-What?

No way. That's like crazy sh*t

you're talking right there, King.

But, Sir Gallant,

the dragon is destroying our land.

Yeah, gee, no sh*t. I wonder why.

Maybe it's because it's f***ing huge

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