Carry On Loving Page #5

now that you're here.

Oh, thanks. Well, nice to have met you all.

She's here, Mr Philpot.

This is Jenny.

How do you do, Jenny?

No physical contact yet, please.

Jenny, get Mr Philpot some tea.

(Crunch)

Oh, I'm so sorry!

I beg your pardon.

(Squeak)

- Ow!

(Boing)

Thank you.

Well, this is jolly nice.

- Sugar?

- What?

- Sugar?

- Oh, yes. Thank you.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I beg your pardon. It slipped.

Sorry.

Oh!

- Mr Philpot?

- Yes.

Would you mind resuming your seat

before you wreck the entire house?

Yes, I'm so sorry.

(Saucer smashes)

- Ah!

I seem to have... done one of your saucers in.

No matter. It's only Crown Derby.

- Oh, that's all right, then.

- Jenny.

Please get Mr Philpot some more tea.

You must think I'm awfully clumsy.

Yes, but we will overlook your more obvious

shortcomings and get down to practical matters.

Regarding the period of courtship...

Yes?

You'll be permitted to see Jenny once a week,

in company of myself, of course,

and other members of the family.

You mean, I wouldn't be able to see her alone?

Oh, I don't think that'd be at all wise.

Jenny has led a very sheltered life

and has had little or no experience of men.

Really?

- I have done it.

- I beg your pardon?

- Put it in.

- Oh!

- The sugar.

- Ah!

And what is your financial status, Mr Philpot?

Excuse me. Actually, I have

a private income of about L#3,000 a year.

Is that all?

Well, it's enough.

Not enough to run a big house of this size.

There's myself, you see,

and other members of the family to provide for.

We don't live extravagantly,

but we do like to live well.

Just a minute. Just a minute.

Just supposing I was mug enough to marry her,

do you really think I'd live here? With this lot?

Naturally.

We have always been and we intend to remain

one big, happy family.

Oh, no, I'm afraid it just wouldn't work out.

They'd never fit in with the way I like to live.

All-night parties. Strip poker. Pot-smoking.

No, I'm afraid not.

I'll say goodbye and thank you for the tea.

Bye.

I like him.

Wedded Bliss Agency.

Let us bring a little happiness into your life.

Oh, hello, Mr Philpot. How was the introduction?

(Garbled speech)

Yes, I'm sorry she wasn't quite

what you were looking for.

I can't vet them all personally.

Inever even saw Miss Grubb.

- Her mother did what?

- (Garbled speech)

Well, yes, yes, and I sympathise, Mr Philpot.

Hang on, hang on a minute, will you?

Maybe I can put you onto something

a little more amenable.

Er...

Oh, yes.

We have Miss Adams here.

Now, there's an absolute cracker for you.

Just the job for you - and she can cook, too.

Yes? Right.

The phone number is 663404271, right?

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