Carry On Loving

Synopsis: The Wedded Bliss computer dating agency aims to bring together the lonely hearts of Much-Snoggin-in-the-Green. Its owner, Sidney Bliss, has enough complications in his own love life, but still produces a pamphlet called "The Wit to Woo". The strange collection of hopefuls lead to some outlandish matches, and jealousies are bound to lead to trouble.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Gerald Thomas
Production: J. Arthur Rank Productions
88 min

# Swinging wedding medley

Bye-bye, my old lad,

and thanks for a smashing weekend.

Wonderful company, lovely food

and your wife makes love magnificently!

(Train horn)

Excuse me, sir, but did I hear you correctly?

What's that, old chap?

You've been a guest in that gentleman's house

for the weekend

and you tell him to his face

that his wife makes love magnificently?

Yes, that's right.

Do you think that's quite correct?

Well, no. Not exactly, no.

But he's such a nice chap,

I wouldn't like to say anything to offend him.

I say, that was rather thoughtful of you.

(Conductor whistles tune)

- Fare?

- Oh, very fair, I'd say.

Come on, come on. I ain't got all day.

Oh, um, Guildhall, please.

Fares, please. Any more fares, please?

Fares, please.

Going all the way?

Why don't you go down front, sir?

You'll see better.

Don't lie to me, Sidney Bliss. You were with

that woman Esme Crowfoot all evening.

I keep telling you, I only popped in for a bit.

Half an hour, that's all. That's not long.

That's long enough for you.

What've you been doing? Holding a stopwatch?

What were you doing going to her flat, anyway?

She's one of our clients, isn't she?

I have to vet 'em, don't I?

Oh, "vet"! Is that the new word for it?

I can't fix 'em up with the right partners

until I find out what they do and how... they live.

Like the young widow at the tobacconist?

You must have "vetted" her at least 50 times!

Oh, God,

I only keep going in there for my shag!

Look, it's my job to find out

what the female clients do.

You should look after the men.

Don't be stupid. I know what they do.

Oh, don't try and joke your way out of it.

What would you say if I started vetting

all the male clients?

- I'd say, "Gawd help 'em."

- You rotten beast!

- I've had enough!

- Sophie, it hurts!

- Cut it out!

- I've had enough of you!

It's every night!

Sophie, it hurts.

Have you gone raving mad?

(Doorbell chimes Here Comes The Bride)

Come in.

Oh! Oh, I beg your pardon.

That's all right, sir. We're not ashamed of

being in love, are we, sweetheart?

- No, dear.

- What can we do for you, sir?

Er, well, it's about your advert.

I was looking for a wife.

And you couldn't have come to a better place.

Could he, my little baby?

No, indeed.

Well, it looks as if I shall have to leave you

for a little while, darling.

Business before pleasure, my dove.

You'll excuse us, won't you?

See you soon, sugar puff.

I'll be counting the moments

till I can get at you again.

It's amazing. Ten years we've been married.

You'd never believe it.

Oh, wonderful. I wouldn't mind a wife like that.

Like that?

No, we'll find you something better than...

We'll find you something more suited to you.

Won't you sit down, Mr?

Oh, Muffet. Bertram Muffet.

Muffin. Well, we'll have to find you

a crumpet to go with that, won't we?

- I beg your pardon?

- Never mind. Now, then, Mr Muffin...

- Er, Muffet.

- Muffet, yes.

Our charges, and very reasonable they are too,

are two guineas registration,

two for the introduction and two when you click.

- Click?

- Get married.

If you click without getting married,

it's four guineas.

Oh, yes, that's fine.

Bertram Muffin.


That's it, yes. We'll just get a few details. Age?

Oh, er, 17, I think.

Well, I thought the younger she was,

the longer she'd last.

No, no, no. I want your details. Your age.

Oh, 27.

Same as most chaps like to do, I suppose.

And that is?

Well, I don't know. I've never done it yet.

You should try it. It's lovely.

What I'm trying to do is

to find out what you like to do,

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Talbot Rothwell

Talbot Nelson Conn Rothwell, OBE (12 November 1916 – 28 February 1981) was an English screenwriter. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Carry On Loving" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 2 Mar. 2021. <>.

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