Caffeine Page #3

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is anyone planning

on doing the washing up?

Why don't you do it

for a change?

I can't serve that.

You don't wash upl

Does that look

like lasagna?

Willy, Charlie!

People, please!

I can't cope with you acting

like small children.

I know we all feel

like utter sh*t,

but we're just gonna have

to pull together.

Charlie's gone.

U ntil I can replace him,

we're just gonna have

to make do.

I saw him.

We could ask him

to come in.

He's not to come in.

Is that clear?

Yeah.

Go on, Tom.

You help with the customers.

Tell them we're out

of the pasta special.

Bloody twat.

Dylan.

We've got a real nut job.

Table six. You'll have

to deal with her.

No, no chance.

Come on.

I always have to handle

the weirdos in this place.

No. J ust let her sit there.

She'll get bored

and leave.

You two are a couple

of pussies, aren't you?

She's my grandmother.

Your grandmother?

Yeah.

You got a problem?

Does she look freaky lookn'?

That's the way you look like

when you spend half your life

in an institution.

Does Rachel know

she's here?

No, she doesn't.

And you'd better

not tell her,

unless you want these tongs

to be a permanent part

of your anatomy.

Wait until she gets here.

Find yourself a random girl.

Shag her. Dump her.

That ought to sort you right.

Out.

What?

What is it?

Mate, I think your luck

just came in.

The table over there,

right behind you.

Do you recognize that bird?

No.

Who is she?

Mate, she's a bloody

porn actress.

Wait here.

I'm gonna talk to her

for you.

Don't be insane.

What are you gonna say?

A mate split up

with her girlfriend and needs

a little female company.

No, you can't say that.

Sure I can.

The drugs have f***ed

with your brain.

Rubbish.

Going over there.

Don't do it.

It's gonna end in tears.

Probably mine.

[Clears throat]

H i there.

Hello.

Look, l...

I hope you don't mind me

coming over here or anything,

but, uh,

I just had to tell you

that I...

really love your work.

I mean, I think that you

bring pleasure

to a lot of men.

Myself included.

I'm sorry?

You know, with the films

you are in.

No, I don't know.

Yeah, you do.

There was that one you did.

It was brilliant.

Walking to the men's song

and end up being shagged

by three blokes.

What the hell

is going on?

H i.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

We're just...

This guy has

mistaken me

for someone else.

Really?

Are you sure...

She said that you had

the wrong person.

Oh, right.

Okay, yes.

Sorry about that.

That's, uh, fair enough.

Sorry, mate.

[Clears throat]

What happened?

Wrong girl, apparently.

F***ing nob.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

He's not worth it,

you know.

It's not just Charlie.

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