Synopsis: A fanciful battle of the sexes ensues when the relationships of the staff and patrons of a quirky London café are unexpectedly turned upside down by sudden revelations of terribly embarrassing secrets having to do with their sexual misadventures.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): John Cosgrove
Production: First Look Pictures
Rotten Tomatoes:
92 min

# Live like you're gonna die

Tomorrow #

# Wild, like you are

The final flame #

# White flash into the dark #

# Before the rain

Comes thundering down #

# Live like you're gonna die

Tomorrow #

# Shoot your gun

At the rising sun #

# Crash right

I nto your walls #

# And watch them all

Coming tumbling down #

# She don't mind,

Shakes it all the time #

# Like a monkey's

On her back #

# You got time,

Man she got the crime #

# Gonna get it

While she can #

# Live like you're gonna die

Tomorrow #

# Wild, like you are

The final flame #

# White flash into the dark

Before the rain comes #

Ah! Rachel!

What are you doing?

I want you out

of here now!

All right,

calm down, darling.

Calm down.

You have no business here.

I work here.

Not anymore.

What do you mean?

You're fired.

Where am I supposed to go?

You kicked me out of the flat,

I need the rest of my clothes.

I'm keeping the rest

of your clothes

so I can burn them!

F*ck you, Rachel!

This is ridiculous.

You can't run a restaurant

without a chef!

That is not

your concern anymore.

I know you're upset, darling.

Don't you think you're going

a little tiny bit over the top?

Do you remember

what you told me

last night?

You had a threesome.

You had sex

with two girls.

One isn't bad enough.

You had to do it with two!

It doesn't count

as two, darling.


It happened

at the same time.

So it's one indiscretion

with each girl

counting as half!

If anything,

it's better than one

because it shows

there were no

real emotions involved.

Get out!

Get out.

No emotion.

What are you waiting for?

Have you been having sex

with someone in here?

Right, that's it.

I want you out

of here now.

And if you so much as

set foot on my cafe,

I'm calling the police.

I'm gonna stand out here

until you have calmed down.

Good morning.


Oh, what lovely roses.

They're all dead I


how are you doing?



you're not really supposed

to be here, okay?

J ust sit here quietly.

I'll go get you

a nice cup of tea, right?

I'll be right back.

My God.

Do I feel like crap today.

I know.

Me, too.

Remind me the next time Dylan

suggests an after-hours drink,

to punch him in the face.

I feel like someone

shat in my mouth.

That's nice.

What's going on

with Charlie?

I just saw him half naked

out in the corridor.

Rachel kicked him out

last night.


Don't you remember?

They'd a screaming row,

and then she told him

she'd never want

to see him again.

Bloody hell.

I thought they were

the perfect couple.

Well, they were,

except that he was fucking

other people.

[Door opens]


Morning, Tom.


Oh, Tom, would you mind

doing the cooking today?



Is that okay?

I'll do my best.

I thought we'd do

a lasagna special.

What are you gonna have?

M ike.

I really think I'm too stoned

to be here right now, Danny.

You need to relax, man.

I'm beginning to feel

extremely anxious.

What are you gonna have?

M ike?

Why are you...

Why are you looking

at me like that?

I'm just wondering

what's with the hat.

Shit hair cut.

I'm single for the first time

in four years,

I'm not gonna pull

with a shit hair cut.

I don't know.

Let's have a look.

It looks the same

as it always does.

Like shit.

Danny, don't look now,

but there's a woman

over there.

She's really strange looking.

She's staring at me.

What woman?

I told you not to look.

Do you think if I went

over there and sat

in that chair opposite her,

she'd think I was sitting

on top of the person

she's talking to?

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Dean Craig

Dean Craig (born October 25, 1974) is an English screenwriter and film director. In addition to his film work, Craig wrote the BBC television series Off The Hook. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Caffeine" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 26 Nov. 2020. <>.

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