Buddy Solitaire Page #4

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I'M A COMEDIAN,

AND I WANT TO BE FAMOUS,

BUT SINCE I'M HERE,

CLEARLY I'M NOT.

I DRINK A LOT,

I GET HIGH EVEN MORE OFTEN.

SOME DAYS I SLEEP

FOR 18 STRAIGHT HOURS.

UH... OKAY.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS

TELL ME YOUR NAMES

AND WHAT BRAND:

OF CRAZY YOU GOT?

UM, EXCUSE YOU?

SORRY, WHAT'S YOUR

MENTAL ILLNESS?

MY, UH,

MY NAME IS BUFORD.

BUT EVERYBODY:

CALLS ME "BUGG."

I WORKED AT VONS

ON SUNSET AND VERMONT,

BEFORE I STARTED

SEEING THE GHOST.

OH, LIKE BRUCE WILLIS

IN "THE SIXTH SENSE"?

NICE.

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT?

ELLIOT GOMES.

PHOENIX BATTALION.

OH, YEAH?

WHERE WERE YOU?

-AFGHANISTAN.

-I HEAR THAT IS BEAUTIFUL.

"BEAUTIFUL"?

WHAT ARE YOU,

A F***IN' MORON?

MOST PEOPLE:

WOULD SAY YES.

OLIVER!

NICE TO SEE YOU, BUDDY.

HOW LONG DO:

WE HAVE TO BE HERE?

VANESSA SAID:

WE'D BE DOING YOGA.

YOU'RE NOT THE YOGA TEACHER.

WHERE'S MY CHICKEN SALAD?

CAN I ASK YOU:

SOMETHING?

ONCE YOU FINISH:

A CHICKEN SALAD,

HOW LONG UNTIL THEY BRING YOU

THAT NEXT CHICKEN SALAD?

I NEVER GE A CHICKEN SALAD.

AND YET YOU KEEP ASKING.

-HELLO.

-HI, MY NAME'S ZOE.

AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?

BECAUSE MY PARENTS

ARE PIECES OF SH*T.

RESPECTFUL.

THAT IS WHAT I LIKE MOS ABOUT THE YOUTH OF TODAY.

MISS LIAO.

DON'T WANNA TALK

TO YOU.

OKAY, "BRADY BUNCH."

LET'S BEGIN.

GUYS, I WANT YOU

TO THINK OF ME AS THE

COOL TEACHER, OKAY?

WE ARE JUST GONNA

STRAIGHT CHILLAX.

"CHILLAX"?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, RELAX,

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.

HANG OUT,

TELL OUR STORIES.

THAT STUFF IS VERY

HEALING, GUYS.

SO, WHAT MAKES YOU

SO SPECIAL?

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE

CALL ME SPECIAL.

I DON'T WANT TO

TELL YOU SH*T, DUDE.

FINE.

WE'LL JUST SIT HERE

IN SILENCE.

SHOW US SOME COMEDY.

EXCUSE ME?

MISS LIAO:

LOVES COMEDY.

REALLY?

OKAY.

YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

ALL RIGHT, UH, WELL,

A JOKE COMES IN TWO PARTS.

YOU GOT YOUR SETUP,

AND YOU GOT YOUR PUNCH LINE.

"KNOCK KNOCK."

"WHO'S THERE?"

"JUSTIN."

"JUSTIN WHO?"

THAT'S YOUR SETUP.

BUT THE PUNCH LINE,

THAT'S WHERE YOU GE YOUR LAUGH.

"JUSTIN TIME FOR DINNER."

I'VE SEEN SUICIDE BOMBERS

THAT ARE FUNNIER THAN YOU.

-I THOUGHT YOU

WERE A COMEDIAN.

-NO, GUYS,

THAT'S AN EXAMPLE

OF JOKE STRUCTURE.

LOOK, OKAY, LOOK.

I WILL GIVE YOU A REAL JOKE

FROM MY ACT.

WE'LL USE THIS.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

SO I LOST MY VIRGINITY

TO A FRENCH GIRL.

WHICH IS KIND OF LIKE LEARNING

TO DRIVE ON A PORSCHE--

-BORING!

-HOW DO YOU KNOW

IT'S BORING?

I HAVEN'T FINISHED

THE JOKE YET.

MY MOTHER'S FRENCH, DUDE.

WELL, SHE MIGHT LIKE

A JOKE ABOUT HER.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING

REMOTELY FUNNY!

YOU GUYS GOTTA:

LET ME FINISH.

I HAVEN'T GOTTEN

TO THE PUNCH LINE.

REALLY HARD TO:

GET A JOKE OUT--

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

FORGET IT, FORGET IT.

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