Buddy Solitaire
- Year:
- 2016
- 86 min
- 31 Views
FOR BUDDY SOLITAIRE.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
YOUR COMICS TONIGHT, HUH?
ENTHUSIASTIC CROWD.
I LOVE IT.
ARE BIG WINNERS, HUH?
SO I'M FROM KANSAS,
FOR A 12-YEAR-OLD GIRL
WHO'S FASTER
THAN HER BROTHERS--
A VIRGIN.
OKAY. OKAY.
TONIGHT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
-OH, I'M SORRY.
ARE YOU EXPECTING
AN IMPORTANT CALL?
WHY DON'T YOU JUS GET OFF THE STAGE?
F*** YOU.
GREAT.
RIGHT HERE, IN FRON OF ALL THESE PEOPLE?
YOU WANT ME TO JUS F*** YOU ON THIS STAGE?
THAT'LL BE FUN
THAT'S MY TIME.
I GOT YESTERDAY, OKAY?
REALLY?
-NOW COME ON,
JUST ONE JOKE.
-ONE.
-ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.
THEY ASKED US,
"WHAT'S INDIA'S CONTRIBUTION
I SAID, "TECH SUPPORT."
-OKAY, SO, YOU'RE
IN HISTORY CLASS,
YOU'RE A 25-YEAR-OLD.
IN HISTORY CLASS?
DUDE, IT'S THE JOKE, OKAY?
IT'S A 40-WORD JOKE.
-I GET IT.
THE PUNCH LINE'S
GOTTA COME FASTER.
-IT'S TWO SENTENCES!
-GET THERE FASTER.
DO TECH SUPPORT?
'CAUSE I HAVE A VIRUS
ON MY COMPUTER.
SAYS "F*** YOU."
-OH, NICE.
-MM-HMM.
THAT INDIAN THING, THOUGH.
KEEP DOING THAT.
YOU KNOW I DON' UNDERSTAND CHINESE.
COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING
MISS LIAO--
THANK YOU, I WILL,
WHEN I'M DONE.
YOU SUCK.
-I APPRECIATE THAT.
GREAT, YES,
MORE PLEASE, PLEASE.
GET OFF STAGE!
THIS HOW WE'RE GONNA
SPEND YOUR TIME, GUYS?
CELEBRATING AFTER
ANOTHER GREAT SHOW.
DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH?
NO.
I'M FINE.
OKAY.
PHEW.
-GOOD MORNING.
-HI.
BEFORE I RUINED:
THE OL' MONEYMAKER.
SURE.
WITH HANNA.
MAYBE IT'S
WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT I IF YOU DON'T WANT.
SORRY.
ANOTHER BAD SHOW.
YOU LOVE COMEDY.
RIGHT,
YES, IRWIN SCHWARTZ
IS UP THERE.
UH-HUH.
I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING
ABOUT THIS.
FOR YOUR TICKET, YEAH?
DO YOU KNOW:
WHO I AM?
I DO, HANNA,
BUT IT'S NOT 1983 ANYMORE,
FOR YOUR TICKET.
OKAY, NAME CALLING.
OKAY, CALM DOWN.
-I AM A LEGEND.
-OKAY, OKAY.
-I AM A F***ING LEGEND!
-WE HAVE A LEGEND
WHO'S CRAZY.
COME ON,
EXIT STAGE RIGHT, LEGEND.
HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
THERE'S THE DOOR.
HERE WE GO.
OW, THAT'S NICE.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO.
BYE-BYE NOW.
BYE-BYE.
WHOO!
SH*T.
HEY, HONEY.
FOR THIS MORNING.
AT YOUR PLACE.
OH, YOU DON'T NEED
THAT STUFF.
FOREVER, YOU KNOW.
I KNOW! I KNOW.
I SEE 'EM.
ALL RIGHT?
THANK YOU.
I'M COMING.
-HEY, MA.
-HI.
[FAINT TV AUDIO
PLAYING]
-HA!
YOU WOULD BE KILLING I IF YOU WENT UP TODAY.
THEY DON'T F***ING
DESERVE ME.
SLOW DOWN WITH:
THESE, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL EAT CANCER.
-NO.
AW, DID I HUR LITTLE BUDDY'S FEELINGS?
HANNA DARLING:
WELL, I REALLY THINK
THANK YOU.
MAYBE I WILL.
PICK UP VANESSA.
-VANESSA'S A C*NT!
TALK LIKE THAT?
YOU WANT ME:
TO KILL MYSELF?
-NO.
F***ING A**HOLE.
JUST LIKE I WANTED I YESTERDAY.
SOMEBODY MOVED THEM.
YOU NEED TO:
-ZOE. THAT'S NOT NICE.
-OH, IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
TO THE KITCHEN.
'CAUSE I NEED ANOTHER
ONE OF THESE.
OLIVER, I NEED YOU
TO SIT DOWN.
NO, BUT SEE, HOW I HAVE I IS IT GOES
CHICKEN SALAD, CHICKEN SALAD,
CHICKEN SALAD--
REALLY HUNGRY.
YOU DIDN'T BRING ME
NO, I'M SORRY, ANOTHER
THE BATHROOM.
-YEAH.
HEY YOU, YOU NEW
TO MAPLE HILLS?
UH, NO, NO.
I COULD BE.
I'M AN INSOMNIAC,
HYPOCHONDRIAC,
-HUGE MEGALOMANIAC.
SERIOUSLY.
OH. I'M VANESSA'S
BOYFRIEND, BUDDY.
-ARE YOU A
SOCIAL WORKER?
-NO.
I'M A COMEDIAN, GUYS.
TRY THE SHRIMP.
YEAH, LOOK, I'M NO MAKING FUN OF YOU GUYS.
BEING HERE, THOUGH.
SOCIAL WORKERS, SHRINKS.
EVERYBODY THINKS YOU'RE
CRAZY, RIGHT?
IT'S LIKE BEING
EXCEPT SHE PROBABLY
KIDDING.
YOU GOT A VERY:
TRANSLATE FOR HER?
ALL I GOT WAS:
"IS SOME"
OKAY, TOO MUCH!
CHICKEN SALAD.
DO YOU REALLY:
EAT THAT MUCH?
HEY, I'M BACK.
SO AM I.
WHAT WAS THAT?
CHICKEN SALAD...
INTO THE JUBILEE.
I GAVE YOU,
-YEAH, THAT WAS
SOME BAD SH*T.
-HEY.
-LOOK, IF I WIN
THE JUBILEE,
THAT'S GONNA TURN
EVERYTHING AROUND.
AND STEPHAN MARTIN
I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
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"Buddy Solitaire" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 6 Oct. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/buddy_solitaire_4794>.
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