Bob the Butler Page #4

to the Cs. You know?

Camping guide,

carpet cleaner,

carwasher,

computer hacker.

- Extraordinary.

You seem to have such faith

in yourself...

where none is justified.

- Thanks, Mr. Butler.

- Well, well, well.

Agentleman's gentleman,

by George!

- Loving breaths...

of deep...

[inhaling deeply]

...acceptance.

- All right, can we speed it up,

please?

Look - ahem -

here's my needs analysis.

I think it'll save time.

- What are you saving time for?

Yourfamily?

But you don't even have time

to enjoy your kids. Or Jacques.

- Jack's not family.

- There's too much work.

I need more time.

- Remember your mantra.

- "I cannot organize the world...

blah-blah-blah."

- Maybe you could work just as hard

and find someone

who brings the best

out of me and Bates.

- Tess, that is

a very sensible suggestion.

Do you have anyone in mind?

- Not really.

- Well...

I quite like the babysitter

we had last night.

- But Tess said he was freaky.

- He's too strict.

- He's way too strict.

- Definitely not him.

- Uh-uh.

- Well, it's not your call, children.

[Wind blowing]

- What are we doing?

- Come on, come on, come on.

Up you get.

Standing still, Mr. Tree,

is highly prized in butler circles.

- Freak.

- Just get up.

- Tiny people down below...

- Good.

I want you to clear your mind

and relax.

- Relax?

You kidding me?

I'm standing inches

from certain death here.

- I'll tell you what,

think of the most beautiful thing

you've seen in the last 48 hours.

- Other than your ass?

- Now come on. You can do it.

I'm beginning

to have faith in you, Bob.

- Okay,

I've got it.

- What is it?

- It's a woman.

- Can you picture her?

- Yes.

- Excellent.

Hold that thought.

- Hey, kiddo, how was your day?

- Okay.

- Just okay?

Mine was pretty good.

Do you wanna hear about it?

- Does it have anything to do

with capital management?

- Yes.

- No.

[Slurping sound]

It's polite to knock.

- It's bedtime, sweetheart.

- I haven't finished.

- Now. Please?

- No.

- Ah, that's just what I need.

Thank you.

Do you wanna hear about my day?

- Now?

Your mind is full of work and kids,

work and kids, work and kids.

That leaves little for me.

- I am trying to sell my business,

Jacques.

- For months, ma chrie.

But when?

- I'm thinking of hiring Bob.

- The babysitter?

- The butler.

- The children will live with him?

I'm joking.

- No, he'll live in the attic.

We'll have a babysitter

wheneverwe want.

- Perfect.

[Knocking]

- Can you hurry up in there?

You've been in there for hours.

- Almost finished.

- You'll tidy all this up?

- Yeah.

- Bates, stop that!

- Ah!

- It's a toilet bidet.

- What's a toilet bidet?

- It's like a fountain for your ass...

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