Bob the Butler

Synopsis: Goofy Canadian screwup Bob Tree goes trough the yellow pages alphabetically to pick jobs, applies and messes them up every time. In the B's, he arrived at butler and takes a wacky crash-course with the somewhat odd Mr. Butler. Bob gets hired, but really more as babysitter cum housekeeper for Jacques, his fuzzy lover Anne Jamieson and, most of all, her spoiled-rotten kids Bates and Tess, terrible handfuls which his unorthodox methods may at least take by surprise.
Genre: Comedy, Family
Director(s): Gary Sinyor
Production: First Independent Pictures
  1 nomination.
 
IMDB:
5.7
PG
Year:
2005
90 min
54 Views

- I am the matriarch

of a great American family

taking on the ultimate challenge:

The perfect family meal.

- I understand, Mama Clara.

- Working in a small takeout franchise

is traditionally a gateway

to bigger and better things.

- In understand, Mama Clara.

- When you create synergies,

you solve problems.

- I understand, Mama Clara.

- But that is what happens

when I go to the bathroom

and leave you in charge

of the french fries.

- Well, give me another chance.

[Boom!]

- Ahhh!

- Give your Uncle Bob another chance.

- Bob, you're no uncle

and I'm no mama.

Cute names are company policy,

that's all!

Just feel-good stuff

so they can pay you less.

- But we're family!

Look around!

- UH!

- Ohhhh!

- Dad!

- Ahhhhh!

- You okay?

- Dad!

We're family!

- This is my real father, Bob!

There's a difference!

[Sirens wailing]

Time was drifted

This rock had got to roll

So I hit the road

and made my getaway

Restless feeling

Really got a hold

- Sorry!

I started searching

for a better way

But I kept on looking for a sign

in the middle of the night

But I couldn't see the light

No, no, no, stop, stop, stop!

[Honking]

Ahhhhh!

To take me through the night

I couldn't get it right

- Help!

Help!

I couldn't get it right

- Grab on to this rope here!

Pull it.

Ahhhh!

L.A. Fever

Made me feel alright

Ah!

But I must admit

it got the best of me

Hi, people.

Getting down so deep

I could have drowned

Oh, save the fishes!

Save the fishes!

Now I can't get back

the way I used to be

But I kept on looking for a sign

in the middle of the night

But I couldn't see the light

no I couldn't see the light

[monkey screeching]

To take me

through the night-ight-ight

Couldn't get it right

I'm an astronaut, I'm a ballerina!

I'm an astronaut, I'm a ballerina!

[Babies crying]

Shave, shave, shave...

- Ahhhh!

- Sorry.

New York City

Took me with the tide

And I nearly died

from hospitality

Left me stranded

Took away my pride

Just another no-account fatality

Ahhhh!

- Oh.

Looking for a sign

in the middle of the night

But I couldn't see the light

No I couldn't see the light

- Huh, I'm gonna need

a bigger board.

It's not a big deal, Rascal.

We're only on the Bs, remember.

[Rascal squeaking]

Got all this to go.

Okay, so we did burger assistant.

Next up, we have...

business consulting.

Butcher?

[Loud squeaking]

Oh, whoa.

Hey, listen to this.

Listen.

"Cosmopolitan Butler School

Become part of a family

in 5 days"

Rascal,

[squeaking]

We're going butling.

[Scooter backfires repeatedly]

- Do you think

you canna be a Lassie?

- Nine-thirty?

[Whistle blowing]

- Good morning, students.

[All]:
Good morning, sir.

- Two lines, please.

Chop, chop!

My name is Butler.

I'm a born butler

in all senses of the phrase.

I come from a long line of butlers.

In only five days,

you will each receive

a certificate of competence

to wait on any family

on this side of the pond.

For those that are interested,

the full English course

lasts a further 17 years.

Standards are slightly higher.

So, what does a butler...

do? Hmm?

Answer:
Everything.

He must cook, clean,

tend the garden,

groom the horses,

write letters, iron shirts.

Arrange appointments,

greet guests, run baths,

buy groceries, pack cases,

unpack cases,

make reservations,

cancel reservations

and still find time

to be a confidant.

Understood?

[All]:
Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir!

- Grooming is crucial to the role.

Substantial facial hair

is quite unacceptable.

Rabbi,

how would you serve soup?

- But really...

- It goes, or you go.

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"Bob the Butler" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 26 Jun 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bob_the_butler_4414>.

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