Boat Trip Page #5

She thinks I'm drunk.

- Nicky, Nicky!

- Alright, alright.

I fell in the pool.

- You're sitting on my balls!

- Okay...

I'm gonna leave you two alone.

- Good night.

- You're getting me all wet.

Jerry!

Wake up, I'm starving!

Come on, Jerry!

Dude, don't make me go up there

by myself. Get up.

Jerry!

Screw it.

What am I afraid of?

How gay can a buffet be?

Is this seat taken?

- Actually...

- I hate dining alone.

- I bet you feel the same way too.

- I'm okay with it, actually.

I see you took the omelette,

the waffles and the flapjacks.

Hungry little man, aren't you?

Do you care for a bite of my sausage?

In England, we call them bangers.

Captain, can you come over here

a minute, please?

There's a small craft off the starboard

trying to get our attention.

- Help!

- Help us!

- Help!

- Somebody save us!

Jesus...

Sound the alarm.

All hands on dick... deck.

Deck!

Tea?

For you.

Oh, my God.

- I must be dreaming. Pinch me.

- Sure. My pleasure.

- I didn't say on my ass.

- You didn't not say it.

I didn't think

I had to specify. Jesus.

Nick, Nick.

Look, you gotta help me out.

Remember that woman that dragged

me into the room last night?

I can't get her off my mind.

She kissed me. Technically it was

mouth to mouth. But it was fabulous.

I mean, I gotta find her.

I mean I was so wasted...

- Who are they?

- The answer to our prayers.

Twelve of the most gorgeous

creatures I've ever seen.

But I'm not greedy.

I'll share.

Go ahead, pick... two.

No. This girl's fabulous.

She's special.

I gotta find her.

She's special. Special.

Hello.

- Hi.

- Who are you?

I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful

man on the planet.

I'm Inga. Very pleasurable

to meet you.

How'd you all get here?

We are the Swedish sun

tanning team...

on our way to the Hawaiian

Tropics Tanning Competition.

Some bonehead shot down

our helicopter.

Coach had to make water landing.

I didn't think this would happen

until I died and went to heaven.

It's a lucky thing we were picked

up by a boat full of homo boys.

It would be terrible to have

straight men hassling and ogling us...

while we're trying to work on

our even tan lines.

You're so right.

Lucky I'm gay!

I'm super gay! I'm mega...

I'm gay enormous!

I'm so gay!

But that's good.

'Cause now you guys can all feel

comfortable in front of me...

and take off your tops and stuff.

And I can do this for you.

I can put tanning oils

and creamy lotions...

all over your luscious bodies.

And there won't be any worries

for you because I'm so gay!

Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby!

Almost finished!

Okay, let's do the back.

The first time I think

I realized I was gay...

was when I was around twelve

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes