Boat Trip

Synopsis: Jerry and Nick are two best buddies whose love lives have hit rock bottom, Jerry's especially, having just vomited all over his fiancée on a hot air balloon trip prior to proposing to her. To escape their troubles and find women, they book a trip on board a cruise-liner, unaware the travel agent has just played a horrid trick on them in retaliation for Nick offending his secret gay lover. And that's the trick; it's a gay cruise-liner for gay men to meet and mingle. Slowly but surely, the two main characters begin to realize this and in turn get into a lot of humorous predicaments.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Mort Nathan
Production: Artisan Entertainment
  1 win & 8 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
94 min

I love you.

I want to spend

the rest of my life with you.

Will you marry me?



Baby, your breath smells

like dog food.

Just a hint of Rottweiler butt.

You're on notice, Rocco.

When Felicia moves in,

you have to clean up your act.

Bon apptit.

I have a very big surprise

for you.

A very big surprise.

I know you're dying to know, I won't

tell you, no matter how much you beg.

No. Not even a hint.

Wow, this is incredible, Jerry.

What's this all about?

Felicia, from the first moment

I met you, I...

I mean... from the first moment

I saw you...

- What I'm trying to say, Felicia...

- You look sick all of a sudden.

Are you alright?

Motion sickness.

The reason why I brought you

up here is to tell you... say...

- Yes?

- To ask, to communicate...

- Just spit it out.

I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it!

Don't cover me in puke

and try and call me baby.

I'll make it up to you, Felicia.

- Will you marry me?

- No.

Thank you. You made me

the happiest... What?

- I met someone.

- Met someone?

Andr and I have all the things

that we don't, Jerry.

- Andr?

- I introduced you once.

He details my BMW.

You dump me for a guy who goes to

work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots?

Andr and I connect on a level

that you and I just never could.

Jerry, I'm so sorry.

She dumped us, Rocco.

I know you don't care.

You can lick your own balls.

I' m not in. Leave a message,

or don't leave a message. Whatever.

Hello Jerry, it's me.

Pick up.

Dude, I know you're there.

Come on, quit acting like

a little kid. You're so immature.

Pick up now, or I'm gonna fart

into the phone.

Leave me alone.

I'm wallowing in self-pity.

It's time to rejoin the living, Jerry.

Come on, we're going out tonight.

- Not interested.

- Saddle up dough, baloney pony.

It's operation "Storm in the Foxholes".

China Club, 21:
OO hours.


Penetrate the enemy.

- Stop calling me. I'm not going.

- This is nonnegotiable, Jerry.

Either meet me tonight,

or I'm gonna ask out your sister.

And you know she'll go 'cause she's

freaky like that. We both know her.

- Hang up. The toilet's stuffed up.

- I gotta go, there's an emergency.

I gotta go. See ya.

Thanks for fitting me in today,

Daniel. I'm so tight.

Go really deep this time.

Give it to me harder.




Come on, Daniel.

Is this the best you can do?

Ragoni, what the hell

are you doing?

I was just warming up for you.

- Marshall, is that you?

- Nick!

Hey! Long time no see.

How you doing?

You've got to give me the name

of your new escort service.

Cut it out, Nick.

This is my fiance. Sheri.

She ain't no escort skank.

- She and I are in love.

- That's right.

Marshall here is the most interesting

and exciting man I've ever met.

- And he's a wonderful lover.

- Oh, I get it, she's retarded.

Actually she's one of the sharpest

bartenders at Hooters.

Marshy. Excuse me, fellas. I'm going

to attend to the landing strip.

- And classy, too.

- We met on a cruise.

There's just something

about the ocean air, the sun.

It really makes it easier to meet

people. We connected right away.

Very first night.

- With her? Very first night?

- Yes!

There are dozens of women

just as friendly as her on board.

Dude, I gotta tell ya.

Whatever you're doing...

take a week off and get yourself

on one of those boats.

There's a line at the can.

Honey, can we skip dinner?

You look so hot you got me

in the mood for a takeout in bed.



Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller who

worked in our high school cafeteria?

Nope. That was crazy Marshall

Geller, my new personal hero.

Dude, let's bolt.

Hanging around some stupid bar

is no place to meet women.

What are you talking about? You've

begged me to come here for months!

Jerry, buddy...

trust me...

I have seen the light.

Son of a b*tch!

That was my space!

- F*** you!

- F*** you right back, buddy!

Back off. I don't wanna see an out

of shape slob get his butt kicked.

- He ain't that out of shape.

- I'm talking about you!

You break a sweat

changing your shoes.

- Stop. Bite me!

- Blow me!

- Kiss my ass!

- F*** your mother!

Oh, yeah? No one would want to f***

my mother 'cause she's too ugly.

- I think I lost that one, didn't I?

- Oh, yeah.

Okay. That's the 7-day, 6-night

fun in the sun singles package...

with the standard 3 to 1

female to male ratio.

Just as the doctor ordered,

right, buddy?

I don't know, Nick.

I don't think I'm ready for this.

Not ready? Come on.

It's been six months.

I don't like the sun...

and I get seasick.

I don't know what to say

to strange women.

We're not going for the discourse.

We're going for the intercourse.

Sex! That's all you ever think about.

Sex, sex, sex!

We'll take it.

There you go.

Larry, you're still here.

- Your mother died.

- What?

- When?

- This morning. I'm sorry.

- I thought you got my Post-it.

- Okay, thanks, Michael.

Alright. Now, gentlemen...

I might want you to consider this

stateroom. It's a little bit larger...

Would you excuse me

for just a moment?


Mama, no!

- You!

- F*** you, pal.

- F*** you back.

- F*** your mother.

- No one would f*** my mother...

- We've been through this before!

Excuse me. What seems to be

the problem here?

This guy. Pecker face.

- That's the problem

- This guy's a jerk.

Alright, Brian, you know what?

Enough. Let me handle this.

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Mort Nathan

Mort Nathan is an American television producer, screenwriter and film director. He was one of the co-producers and head writers of the comedy show The Golden Girls. Nathan won two Emmy awards, two Golden Globes, and a Writer's Guild of America award for his work on the series. He has written and produced over 150 hours of prime time television shows and directed the feature films Boat Trip, Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, and Bag Boy. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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