Blackadder Back & Forth Page #3

- This one's much better.

- Well, bugger my giddy aunt.

You couldn't just sign something

for me, could you?

Certainly.

I'm sorry it's just a Biro.

Thank you.

Oh, and just one more thing...

That's for every schoolboy and

schoolgirl for the next 400 years.

Have you any idea how much

suffering you're going to cause?

Hours spent at school desks

trying to find one joke in

"A Midsummer Night's Dream",

years wearing stupid tights

in school plays

and saying things like

"What ho, my Lord." and

"Oh look, here comes Othello

talking total crap as usual."

Oh, and...

that's for Kenneth Brannagh's endless

Who's Ken Brannagh?

I'll tell him you said that,

and I think he'll be very hurt.

- Let's get out of here, Balders.

- Certainly.

By the way, if we ever

get out of this alive,

- Yes, my Lord?

- Remind me to kill you, will you?

Alright, my Lord.

Now, it was down here when

we were at the dinosaurs,

it's in the middle now,

so why don't we try here?

That should do the trick.

Erm, yes. I suspect that's

a little too far forward.

Back, back, back!

Oh, God, where are we now?

Oh dear, do you think it's safe?

I don't know. Does this look

dangerous to you, Baldrick?

This empty wood?

Well, well, what have we here?

My tough band of freedom fighters,

who have good muscle tone

and aren't gay.

Oh, God.

Look lads,

we've captured Lord Blackadder.

Wait a minute,

are you Robin Hood?

Am I Robin Hood?

Is Will Scarlet a puff in tights?

Is Friar Tuck a fat tub of lard

with a ridiculous haircut?

Is Maid Marion

a hot little honey

- with thighs like a nutcracker?

- Yes, I am.

- Woof!

- Woof!

- Woof!

- Woof!

It's nice to meet you,

at last,

because there's one question

I've always wanted to ask you.

Fire away! Before I impale

you with my magnificent weapon.

And I don't mean

my enormous...

- Yes, I know.

- Oh, right, sorry.

What puzzles me is this:

You rob from the rich?

- Yeah!

- That's right, yeah!

And then when you've robbed the rich,

you give it all to the poor.

- Yes!

- I love giving it to the poor!

- Woof!

- Woof!

Now that's the bit

I don't understand.

- You men risk your lives in combat,

- Yes!

- Risk certain death if you're caught,

- Yes.

You live here in this forest

in total squalor.

I hate to think what the toilets

are like round here.

- Not very nice, actually.

- And yet you still give every penny

to these, so-called poor

who just sit on their backsides

all day...

- Shut up now.

...laughing at you, saying,

"Oh no need to go to work today,

Robin Hood and his merry men

will come soon with a pile of cash."

I said shut up!

I'm surprised they don't call you

Robin Hood and his bunch of lunatics.

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