
Blackadder Back & Forth
- Year:
- 1999
- 33 min
- 512 Views
Well, isn't this splendid
and absolutely tufty?
New Year's Eve 1999,
a new century and a new millennium.
Let's drink a great big slurpy toast
to global peace and understanding.
Bravo! After all, if history
teaches us anything,
it is that,
in the words of St. Burt,
is love, sweet love."
- Hear, hear.
- Total codswallop.
If history has taught us anything,
it is that the story of man
is one long round
of death and torture,
just because they've got a wart.
by the way.
Unfortunately, my cook got invited to
an orgy at Delia Smith's house,
and so our chef for this evening is
the man who empties the septic tank.
Baldrick!
My Lord?
God save us.
I trust you're all
enjoying your food.
No, we're not actually, Baldrick.
What is this we're eating?
It tastes as if someone
with a bad chest cold
has taken two spoonfuls of Benylin
to loosen the phlegm,
and then coughed all over
an avocado.
Well, funny you should say that, sir,
because...
Yes, all right, Baldrick.
Yes, thank you. You may go now.
I believe you've got some
Oh, yes.
Excuse me please, everybody.
Oh my...
Now, where were we?
We were bally well
toasting the future.
Yes, and it might also be
a perfect time to look to the past.
How on earth
can one look at the past?
You can't see something
that's already happened.
- Unless you're on the lavatory.
- Good point, Bish.
Yes, or unless one's got
a time machine.
- How likely is that?
- Well, very likely actually, Darling,
because I've just built one.
Stuff and stonsense! I've heard
some rubbish in my time.
Every time I open my mouth, as
a matter of fact, but a time machine?
It's just... just... cobblers.
I can assure you it is not.
This is an original sketchbook
by Leonardo da Vinci.
And this year, I built a time machine
to his exact specifications.
Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest
breakthrough in travel
since Mr. Rodney Tricycle
thought to himself,
"I'm bored with walking,
and name it after myself."
Behold, the time machine.
Well, glaze my nipples
and call me Rita!
- It can't be real! A joke, surely.
- Certainly not.
When did I last play
a practical joke?
Well, when you said
you were dying of kidney failure,
and I donated you
one of my kidneys
and then you said it was an April fool
and we had to throw my kidney away.
Well, yes, there has been the odd
hilarious practical joke.
But not this time.
This is a working time machine.
And to prove it,
I suggest a wager.
I will bet you each 10,000 pounds
that I can travel through time
and bring back
any items of historical interest
which you choose to nominate.
- Darling?
- Yes, all right.
Yes, if you can travel through time,
I'll pay up,
so long as you bring back a...
genuine Roman centurion's helmet.
Very well,
a Roman centurion's helmet.
No no, that's much too easy,
What about the actual wellingtons
actually worn by Wellington
on the day he won
the battle of Waterloo.
actual wellingtons worn by
the Duke of Wellington
on the day he won
the Battle of Waterloo,
- Anyone else?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I've got one.
I want you to get,
I'd like to see you get these,
an ancient reeking stinking pair
of 200 year old underpants.
that's the ticket.
Very well,
I shall be on my way.
It will of course,
take no time at all, in your time.
there will be a momentary shuddering,
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Blackadder Back & Forth" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 1 Mar. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/blackadder_back_%2526_forth_4214>.