Best in Sex: 2017 AVN Awards Page #4

and you keep it real,

and I want you to clap for that

right now

'cause you keep it real.

I mean that.

I'm a dirty guy.

That's why I do this show.

I was at the gym yesterday,

true story.

This girl started to put

her hair up, and I started

to take my dick out

out of habit.

It's one of those.

That's just how it is.

You girls, I gotta say this.

When you grab a dick,

you porn stars, you grab it

like you mean it, like,

it's just like, give me one of these.

These young girls, they kind of

do that foreplay a little

where they grab it a little,

and they're like,

"Oh, hey.

Not yet, not yet, hold on.

Not yet, not yet."

This is the best sound ever

when you're getting

a blow job, shh.

And if you laughed at that,

please DM me on Instagram

tonight, please do.

You guys are filthy.

I got a blow job one time,

and this girl had Invisalign.

I filled up the whole top shelf.

Whole top shelf.

And she tried talking to me

after sex,

"I'm just gonna get

some water or something.

I need a little something

just to clear it out."

I gotta say this too right now.

You ladies take it in the ass,

and it's unbelievable.

When I try...

Yes, yes, when I try

to put it in a girl's ass,

I feel like she's, like,

helping her friend

parallel park the whole time.

"Come on, eh, come

Eh, eh..."

I tried to put it

in this girl's ass one time,

this is a true story,

and she looks at me, and she goes,

"My ass is an exit only."

"Oh, wow, we have

a lot in common.

"So is my f***ing apartment,

holy sh*t."

You guys are filthy.

Look at you.

I love it.

The dirtiest joke of the night.

And I gotta say this too.

I had girl one time

stick a finger in my ass

when she was blowing me.

Now...

Some of you, some of you

might think I'm gay or whatever

or I'm a, you know,

but I gotta tell you,

this f***ing gay guy

f***ing loved it.

Holy sh*t.

I think, like, doves

flew out of my dick hole.

It felt amazing.

And there's a moment,

listen, there's a moment

when she put it in, I came,

and, fellas, I can't describe

what it felt like,

but I looked like that thing

in front of

the f***ing car wash.

You know what I'm talking about?

Have you ever stuck your finger

so far in someone's ass,

you have no idea what body part

you're touching anymore?

You guys, yes, you're like,

"Is this her vertebrae?

"What the f*** is this?"

And then you realize

you're playing with, like,

an undeveloped piece of sh*t

for 20 seconds.

You pull it out,

it looked like you just

f***ing finished Tough Mudder.

You know what I'm talking about?

Oh, shut up, AVN,

you dirty fucks.

You love this sh*t.

We got Best Anal tonight.

Who's nominated for that?

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