Beautiful Thing Page #3

Third bird goes, I'd pocket it.

Finders keepers.'

Who d'you give the job to?

The one with the biggest tits!

I'd bet me own flat..

be down Stringfellows every night.

I'd get a big drug problem.

I'd get me own miniature poodle..

and I'd get a make-over. You could do

all that if you had your own pub.

I haven't even had the interview yet.

One of these days I'm going to

dripping in money, I am.

-Right, this is me. See you tomorrow, babes.

-See you, love!

Ste?!

Ste..

I'm not going back there.

I know, love.

Tony, make him a sandwich.

What?

Tony!

What's it to be?

Pastrami and fettuccine on rye?

Tony.

Just make him a sandwich please.

You'll have to top and tail with Jamie,

I'm afraid.

Ronnie!! Trevor?!

It's me Sandra!!

Your little Steven's round

at our place tonight.

I've every mind to report you Ronnie?

Are you listening to me?

This is Sandra here and I'm not happy!

F*** off, you meddling c*nt!!

This has got to stop!

What are you reading then?

Er, it's me mum's.

Oh, yeah?

I've seen that in the shop.

-Hello!

-Hello!

-What bit you reading?

-It's about Sally from Coronation Street.

What, the blonde one?

Yeah.

Says her real name's Sally an' all.

-What, in real life as well as on the telly?

-Yeah, I hate that name.

D'you always wear glasses when you read?

-Supposed to.

-You don't in school.

-Hardly fetching, is it?

-Nah, looks all right.

Yeah?

Yeah, I'm telling ya.

-How's your sandwich?

-Cheese and salad. Bang-on food.

-Good for your spots, that.

-That's right. Good for your spots an' all.

-You haven't got any spots.

-Yours are clearing up.

Cheers.

D'you fancy that Sally?

Not really.

Do you?

Haven't given it much thought really.

D'you fancy her next door?

-Fancy Leah?

-She fancies you.

- Don't!

-I'm only saying.

Jamie!

You goin' sleep?

-Yeah, I'm knackered.

-I'll turn the light off.

Ste?

Mm?

You oright?

Yeah.

Right.

Ste?

What?

Night.

Night, Jamie.

The second applicant says,

'I'd put it in the till.'

The third applicant says,

'I'd keep it for myself.'

'Finders keepers.'

To whom would you offer the job?

Well, it's obvious, innit?

The bird with the biggest tits.

Though seriously I'd have to say

I'd be more keen on the third applicant.

At least I'd know

where I stood with her.

You have children, Mrs. Gangel?

That's an easy one. Yeah, a son.

Jamie. He's ever so nice.

I really f***ed that up,

didn't I?

You'll hear soon, princess.

Yo!

Pervert.

Sorry?

I think you'll find the word pervert

is a serious no-no.

Anyone who goes out with that ole slapper

has to be a pervert.

Come again?

Your bird.

Sandra?

She talks to me like

I got c*nt written on my forehead.

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