Beautiful Thing

Right! Now!

This is Mr. Bennett, and he's going to be

taking the boys for football.

Mr. Bennett foolishly wants to be a teacher.

-Look at the fucking shell suit, man.

-Fucking wanker.

-I don't fucking believe it.

-Fucking yeah.

What you fucking looking at?

Er, less fucking and more attention please.

Something you might have said

to your boyfriend that, Gina.

Right, girls, onto the other pitch with me.

Come on.

-You, boy. Why aren't you playing?

-Forgot me kit.

Don't make him play, sir,

he's shit.

Balls, Mr. Bennett!

Right.

Look, I want you joining in, yeah?

-You ain't playing, Gangel.

-F*ck off, McBride.

Ste! Come on.

Oi! What's his name?

Hugh, sir. Hugh Janus.

Hugh Janus (Huge Anus),

get back here now!

Hugh Janus!

Janus, are you deaf?

Oright, Sandra?

Slag!

What happened?

-School burnt down, did it?

-Yeah.

Oh, what was it this time then?

IRA bomb?

-Fundamentalist Muslim Pyromaniacs.

-Oh funny that,

looked all right when I walked past it.

-Yeah. Funny that.

Look, you're not too old to be taken over my knee,

young man, d'you hear me?

-The whole o'bloody Thamesmead can hear you.

-Yeah, well..

-You have gotta start doing your games!!

-Why?

Coz you have, that's why!

-Who says? -I says!

-I hate football!

-You never used to!

Well, I do now!

You know what I'm gonna do now, duntcha?

Juggle with 'em?

You know what they'll do, don't you!

They'll put you into care. They'll say,

'She's an unfit mother, bang 'im

into one o'them homes, coz I mean,

she can't even get him to do his PE.'

That's what they'll do.

She's throwing away everything I was saving

for me kids. Books, toys.

-I don't want kids.

-Kids are cunts.

-Anyone been calling you names?

-Like what?

-I dunno. Stumpy?

-No.

-I told you it's stop.

-I know.

-I told you you'd grow. You never take the

blindest bit o'notice of me, do you?

-I do!

-Oh yeah?

Well, how comes every Wednesday afternoon

without fail you're standing there?

-I've told you.

-Oh, have you!!

Call the village band out.

Bid me goodbye.

-What you doing?

-Singing.

-What?

-I'm just a girl who can't say no!!

Heard of Mama Cass?

No, sing it.

-What?

-Go on.

-No way.

-I won't laugh.

Call the village band out.

Bid me goodbye.

Everyone stand outside and cry.

Never thought so many

Thought me so dear.

I'd be happy any place but here.

One way ticket take me anywhere,

Northbound, southbound,

I don't even care.

I know the grass is greener there.

Well, keep going!

-Might persuade him to get back to school!

-Libs!

-It's not natural, isn't it?

-What ain't?

For a girl her age to be into Mama Cass.

She's got a really beautiful voice!

And whassamatter with Madonna?!

She's a slag!

Hypocrite!

-Oright, Ste?!

-Ste!! Oright?

Yous two been bunking off together,

have you?

Not together, no.

-Oright, Mrs. Gangel?

-Well, it's nice to see someone can stay at school for the full day.

-We had football today.

-It's the wrong season for football, innit?

-Student teacher.

-Ah, is that the problem?

-No.

-Well, what is then?!

-I best get in.

-Ah, Ste...

I'm doing the tea.

Stick it on, then come back out here.

Bubble and squeak, Leah.

You can't leave bubble and squeak.

Gotta watch it , like a hawk.

Don't that make you fart,

bubble and squeak?

Only if you've got a fat arse.

There was a phone-in this morning on Richard and Judy

about delinquent children.

I shoulda rung in.

-I'm going in.

-See ya, Ste.

-Well, whose fault is it then? Eh?

-The system.

I am a victim of the education...thingamabob.

Wasteland.

You're a victim of your own big mouth more like.

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