Bald Page #5

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I will eat your ass.

I will eat it!

Is this b*tch working for bin Laden?

Sorry about my room.

I'm in the nuclear development program,

and I love history.

Did you know that Albert

Einstein was Jewish?

- Really?

- Yeah, isn't that funny?

Yeah, Jews are hysterical.

Oh, sh*t, she might be one of

the few people who hates Jews.

Yeah, my mother is Jewish,

and when I was little,

she used to tell me all these stories

about the great Albert Einstein.

I bet she did.

Houston, this is Andrew Wood.

Come in, please, over.

This is Houston. Go ahead, Andrew.

Yeah, I need clearance for a fly out.

What's your equipment, son?

- I got a half

- Jewish p*ssy ready for takeoff, over.

Proceed with caution

and make sure not to

promise her anything, over.

Thanks, Houston.

Houston?

What are you talking about?

Oh.

Uh, nothing.

You do that a lot.

What?

I don't know what they call it.

You just kind of wander

off into your thoughts.

That's because I'm going

bald, and I have no confidence.

In another six months,

I'll be as bald as

Bruce Willis or Jude Law.

But then again, Jude's hairline

and general thickness has

improved over the years.

Maybe he had a hair transplant.

This is why I have to go to Hollywood.

- Hello, Andrew?

- Yes.

You're really weird.

But I like you.

You look like Ross...

from Friends.

And Ross is sexy.

Stay focused.

If you want head,

you're gonna have to eat her out first.

Oh, Lord, you are too good to me.

From now on, I'm gonna

do everything in my power

to be a better person.

Bikity.

What?

You are so beautiful.

[Also Sprach Zarathustra plays]

And those are the biggest

bikity tits I've ever seen.

Please don't smell bad.

Please don't smell bad.

If it tastes like trout, get out.

If it tastes like

chicken, keep on lickin'.

Blast off.

Houston, we have ignition.

It tastes like chicken.

Thank you, Lord.

I'm gonna eat this one for you.

Abigail.

What's wrong, O. B?

I just can't take it anymore.

Uh... oh, not again.

You sit down.

You sit down.

We're about to smoke a bucket of weed.

You should have seen it, Max.

They were laughing at me.

They were making fun of me.

Someone even threw something at me, man.

Where were you?

Chicken Shack.

Damn it.

Why do people have to be so cold?

One guy yelled out, "Hey, Lardo.

"You're a real fat pig, aren't you?

You fat pig."

But I'll kill him.

I'll become the bulk, and

I'll kill their ass, man.

You take this out on Mr. Bong.

# Yes, I'm lonely #

# Oh, so lonely #

# If I could only #

# Ride the pony #

# Find a woman #

# I'll start doing the Jamaican jerk #

You think this is

all right with my heart?

Don't be ridiculous.

You got the heart of an elephant.

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