Bad Sugar Page #5

Excuse me, Papa, but...

When a man is hard.

And a woman is...

Throbbing...

To use words like...

I cannot say.

Perhaps you shouldn't.

Words like...

Oh.

And jam your...

Uh-huh.

Into my tiny...

Ooof.

The-the-these are mere words so...

Does my finger feel hot, father?

Does it?

I feel as if I'm burning up.

If God made me, then can't I adore

myself with my fingers, father?

So sorry to interrupt.

Nothing to interrupt.

No. You were talking about adoring

with fingers, I heard you.

But... No adoring.

Her, with her fingers.

Yes, Rodrigo, I didn't get all

the disgusting details, I'm sorry.

Look, Daphne...

Did Daddy tell you about the will?

I cannot speak to

you of this matter.

I'm sure you'd like to stay dumb,

dumbo,

but if you do, I might blab about

what you and Lucy are doing in here.

We were talking!

Do you like dancing, Father?

Well, everyone likes dancing.

I feel like dancing,

do you feel like dancing, Lucy?

Nude?

No, no!

Please, ladies, leave now.

We can dance or not dance, but even

if you say no, we'll still do it.

Nude.

Ladies, please, I've taken vows.

You wouldn't be breaking your vows

if you were forced. Two against one.

We could put something up you,

if it would make it more convincing.

I'm married to God!

Tell us what's in the will, Rodrigo,

or we're going to give you

what you want.

Please... please.

Remind me, Rodrigo, did I remember

to put on any panties this morning?

No.

No, you didn't, Lucy.

Oh, thank you.

Please stop your dances,

for the love of God!

What's in the new will, Rodrigo?

Your father is changing

his will for Maria the nurse.

If you're scared of a bee,

just think it's a woodlouse with

an overcoat and fairy wings,

and that's a nice way to

think of a bee.

So... the news is, Joan, that...

Your dad's changed his will to

leave everything to Maria.

That's interesting. Oh, well, all

for the best cos everyone's nice.

Look, Joan,

because you're very sweet,

as everyone is always telling me

and I always agree,

you may not realise, but if Daddy

dies, Maria gets all the money,

then all your bees, all your animals,

they're going to die, Joan.

How? From no food.

Or be shot by Maria.

Maria is threatened by

everything, Joan,

even animals getting more

attention than her.

If Daddy's out and he looks at a cow,

how come it's mysteriously

dead the next day?

Because it... isn't.

But if it was, Joan,

if it always was?

Well, I suppose if it was...

You're too sweet, Joan.

You don't see all the filth

everywhere.

What are we going to do?

Well, Lucy and I have had a talk

and we've come up with

a really nice idea,

which is to get Simon to help us.

Oh, that sounds nice!

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