Bad Sugar Page #3

Synopsis: The Cauldwells are a wealthy mining family led by miserly, ailing patriarch Ralphfred. Scheming elder daughter Daphne is married to embittered wheelchair-bound Greg whilst younger sister Joan is a simple, trusting, childlike soul who nonetheless accidentally poisoned her brother Neil when they were children. Gold digger Lucy arrives to marry Ralphfred's son Rolph, though Rolph is more interested sexually in Lipton, his valet, and Lucy is dismayed to find that Rolph lied about his father being at death's door. Learning that her father has changed his will to leave everything to his nurse Maria, Daphne seduces hunky but dim gardener Simon into poisoning Ralphfred against her, getting Maria sacked. A new will is announced - but this leaves everything to Imperial College to keep Ralphfred alive in suspended animation. Daphne also gets a shock when Lucy unveils a portrait of her when she was a mental patient.
 
IMDB:
7.6
Year:
2012
114 Views


Joan, your make-up

is embarrassing you again.

Go to the bathroom to fix it.

Oh, dear. Sorry. Thank you, Daphne.

Only a real b*tch

would encourage Joan

to make a fool of herself

in public.

Well, b*tch is as b*tch does.

Revenge is a b*tch best served cold.

Too many b*tches spoils the broth.

A b*tch in time saves nine.

B*tches in glass houses

shouldn't throw b*tches.

B*tch!

Honey, darling?

How much lithium do you have

left in your lithium jar?

Because you're going to

need all of it.

Rolph just saw your father

and Rodrigo in the chapel.

They were going

into the confession booth.

And apparently,

he had a copy of a will.

A new will.

A new will?

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

He's probably just bored

of the old will.

"My boring, boring will! Yawn!"

Lucy, would you like to

come to my room?

Thank you, Daphne. How kind!

But what about...?

Oh, don't worry about him.

He never does anything in there

but weep.

Oh... poor Greg.

It's actually my bed.

Oh?

I sleep with my legs up.

It... keeps my face young.

I'm so sorry about earlier. I...

I wasn't very friendly!

I suppose I'm just jealous because

you're... you're so beautiful.

Oh, now you're joking!

You're the beautiful one.

Oh, no. You're lovely.

I'm just an old sack.

Oh, no, I'm an old sack.

You're too perfect.

Your hair...

it's like there's a wonderful

machine inside your head,

pumping out luxuriant, glossy hairs.

Mine? It's like sticks!

Do sit. Let me brush yours.

Gosh, it's easy to see what made

Rolph fall in love with you.

All the other dancers were married

to semi-professional footballers

and Syrian police guys.

I guess I was the last on the shelf!

I always said

Rolph needed a wife

with a good sense of humour!

I did have a very long thing

with a friend of

Gareth Southgate's brother's agent.

But he wasn't a good guy.

He took all my savings to Latvia.

I was planning a small troupe where

we took dancers to rural areas

to solve things and that.

Oh, how wonderful.

Well, you know, maybe you can

start your dance troupe here.

I mean, Rolph loves dancers

and dancing.

Daphne, do you think

it might be friendly

to talk to Rodrigo

about the will?

Yes, I think that would be

a good idea.

Let's have a lovely, girly brunch

at, say, 10.35am,

and we can talk tactics

and croissants.

Mummy, I'm scared.

Don't be silly, you're not.

There's nothing to be scared about,

so you can't be scared, can you?

Tell Teddy all about it.

Goodnight, dear.

Oh, lovely!

Yes. Tell Teddy.

Teddy might be interested.

So... Rolph.

The wait's over.

You're finally going to get it.

Although... I was just thinking,

crazy idea, but do you think

maybe we should actually

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Jesse Armstrong

Jesse Armstrong is a British comedy writer, best known for the Channel 4 sitcom Peep Show and the BBC political satire The Thick of It. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Bad Sugar" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/bad_sugar_3468>.

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