Bad Santa Page #3

What?

Get out of here.

Next.

Next.

Oh, good.|What do you want?

What do you want?|What are you doing?

God damn it!

Nintendo Deer Hunter 3.

I don't give a sh*t|what you want.

Blowing snot all over everybody|and f***ing whatever.

Next.|Come on.

What do you want?

-Um, Santa?|-Yeah, I'm Santa.

Come on.|What do you want?

-Um, Barbie.|-Say cheese.

Okay. Fine.|Barbie.

Oh, thank you.

Ow! Watch the toenails, kid!|Sh*t.

Next.

Next!

What do you want?

Fraggle-Stick car.

What the f*** is that?

Fraggle-Stick car.

Well, I heard you.|Fraggle-Stick car. Fine.

Hey, check out this loser.

Hey, fat-ass.|How you doing today?

Hey, loser.

Hey, dipshit.

Moron.

Hey, loser.|How you doing today?

Dumb-ass,|why don't you turn around?

You know what?|F*** this.

You're next.

Next.

I said next, God damn it.|This is not the DMV, all right?

Move it along.

What's your name?|You can tell me.

I know.|How about Santa?

If you don't tell him,|you won't get a present.

That's right.

Come on and tell Santa|all about it.

What do you want?

Well, come on.|What do you want?

A snot-rag?

Great.|Another f***ing Mongoloid.

Marcus, get this kid off me|before he pisses on me.

Don't f*** with my beard.

It's not real.

No sh*t.

Well, it was real.

But, you see, I got sick|and all the hair fell out.

How did you get sick?

I loved a woman|who wasn't clean.

Mrs. Santa?

No.|It was her sister.

What's it like|at the North Pole?

Like the suburbs.

Which one?

Apache Junction.

What the f*** do you care?|Now, get off my lap.

You sit there|like a f***ing retard.

You are really Santa, right?

No.|I'm an accountant.

I wear this f***ing thing as|a fashion statement, all right?

Okay.

Get this kid out of here.|He's freaking me out.

I got to get a drink on.|I'll see you tomorrow.

Just don't come into work|stinking of booze again.

Yeah.|Why don't you get going?

You'll be late for your|"Wizard of Oz" Candy Bar Guild.

Lollipop Guild, you a**hole.|Jesus!

Two-year-olds flip me sh*t|better than you.

You saying something to me?

Yeah. I'm gonna stick|my whole fist up your ass.

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

in a one-horse open sleigh

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

in a one-horse open sleigh

in a one-horse open sleigh

laughing all the way

making spirits bright

What?

sing a sleighing song tonight

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Mmm.

Another Grand-Dad, Santa?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way

Oh, what fun it is to ride

Got a name?

Yeah.

So, what do you do, you know...

After the holidays, I mean.

Well, nothing till March,|and then I'm the Easter Bunny.

Oh. Another?

Yeah. Why not?

Merry Christmas.

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