Backyard Ashes Page #3

It's them.

MAC:
Well, you're right,

Wil. It is a removalist.

I can't see much. Oh, the

furniture looks a bit la-di-da.

Hmm. Seen better days, I reckon.

- You certainly have.

- Hm.

- Hm.

- What?

What? Furniture.

It's a bit exciting when someone

new moves in, isn't it, darl?

You think so?

- DOUGIE:
Oh, bugger me!

- What? What is it?

Oh, that slimy weasel!

Who? What are you talking about?

- It's bloody Jardine!

- LILLEE:
Jardine?

DOUGIE:
Edward what's-his-name.

The toffy-nosed Pom from work.

- Who?

- Lords!

Spit it out, Doug.

That's the bastard

that sacked Norm.

- No.

- DOUGIE:
Yeah.

The prick's gone and bought

his house on the cheap.

LILLEE:
That's a bit ordinary.

I can't live next door

to a bloke like that.

- I'm gonna...

- What?

Pull your head in.

I'm sure we can

handle this sensibly.

Bloody Jardine!

What do you think? I know.

Not forever.

(DOG BARKS)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(COLLAR BELL JINGLES)

(CAT MEOWS, DOG BARKS)

DOUGIE:
Dougall!

Sorry about that.

(CAT MEOWS)

(HISSES AND MEOWS)

It's alright. It's alright. I know.

MacDougall, good boy!

You done good, boy.

Anyhow, I must be off,

but have a think about it.

We'd love to have you

and they're usually lots of fun.

Oh, yes, I'm sure they are.

It's Edward, really.

He's not much for socialising.

I sometimes think he prefers

the company of the cat.

(LAUGHS) No worries.

- But thanks for the offer, Lillee.

- You're both always welcome. Hello.

- What was all that about?

- That was Lillee.

She's invited us over

for a barbecue.

Very nice of her, don't you think?

Well, you can certainly

count me out.

It's a ridiculous idea.

It wouldn't hurt to meet

a few of the locals, Edward.

The locals?

I have far more

important things to do

than attend one of their

cretinous backyard booze-ups.

My God, you can be so rude.

Rude? I'm the one who

has to tolerate them at work.

Why should I put up with them and their

noisy children in my spare time?

Give them a chance, Edward.

Besides, you chose the house.

Yes. Well, I didn't know

who the neighbours were.

Who in their right mind

would move next door

to that sorry lot?

A Pommy tight-arse

looking for a deal?

How's Dexter's rash?

- Hey, Mouse. How you doing?

- Good, thanks.

- Hi, Merv.

- Hello. How are you?

Hi, guys!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION

AND LAUGHTER)

- So, how's your new mate going?

- How would I know?

I can't believe the sneaky mongrel

actually had the bloody cheek

to buy Norm's joint.

And to make it worse, he's a Pommy.

OK, you guys, give it a break.

Here they come now.

LILLEE:

Ah, it's just Grace on her own.

- Thank Christ for that.

- Hey, Doug, behave yourself.

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