Backyard Ashes

Synopsis: Dougie Waters loves nothing more than a weekend barbie and cricket match with his mates. But his paradise on earth is destroyed when his best mate and neighbour Norm is forced to leave town and their new boss, a pompous English administrator called Edward Lords, moves in. The animosity between the two men peaks during one fateful backyard cricket match when Dougie hits a ball that accidentally stuns Edward's prize winning cat, Dexter. The cat falls into the roaring BBQ and is instantly incinerated, leaving only ashes. Dougie's son captures footage of the unfortunate event on camera and it is uploaded onto YouTube where the video instantly goes viral! The idea of a backyard cricketing challenge is hatched, with the winner keeping the ashes of Edward's deceased cat, Dexter. The two teams battle it out in the greatest game of backyard cricket ever for the Backyard Ashes.
Genre: Comedy, Sport
Director(s): Mark Grentell
Production: Umbrella
 
IMDB:
5.2
Year:
2013
90 min
Website
5 Views

(DARYL BRAITHWAITE "ONE SUMMER")

Started out last night

I was thinking of days gone by

Of the times I've had

And the things that I left behind

Some change, some die

Still we manage to survive

It's knowing where and what to do

It's up to you

Don't know what's going on

I can't wait till

One summer

I'll find a way

One summer

Will always remain

One summer

Remember the way

Hauled down, turned around

Find myself facing the wall

I think back to school

It's all the same

Slightly different rules

Outside on your own...

(SIGHS)

You wouldn't be dead for quids.

Well, the beast is looking

in great nick, mate.

Yeah, Merv, what do you reckon?

She's the bee's knees, Dougie.

Come on, mate. Show 'em

the new modifications.

Yeah, a test run would

be most interesting.

Alright, where's Lil?

(DISTANT CONVERSATIONS)

I think we're clear for lift-off.

(GAS HUMS)

(WHIRRING)

(BOOM!)

(HISSING, COUGHING)

Maybe a tad too much gas.

Nah. She's a bloody ripper, Dougie!

What are you boys up to over there?

Um, nothing, Lil, nothing at all.

Oh, get away with you, Pigeon.

Make sure you get my good side, huh.

Mm... we don't want to end up

in one of your bloody

'Viewtube' videos.

- It's YouTube, Mum.

- Mm, same thing.

DOUGIE:
Watch the pitch, Spock.

Just testing the moisture

content, you silly bastard.

Can we skip the pitch reportage

bullshit for once, Spock?

- Language, Bin.

- Sorry, my love.

Yeah, language, Bin.

His language has gone to shit

since he's been hanging with

you bunch of Aussie bastards.

- (LAUGHTER)

- You're a lucky man, Bin.

You're on a bloody

good wicket there, son!

Good wicket?

I don't understand, Mervyn.

SPOCK:
What he's trying

to tell you, mate,

is that we only invite you

over here

so we can perve on your missus.

All I can say is thank Allah

for arranged marriages.

SPOCK:
Just taking the piss, Binny.

- Why would he want your piss?

- Well...

Bit of focus in the field, please,

gents.

ALL:
Dougie's a wanker

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

WOMEN:
Dougie's a wanker

(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)

Dougie's a wanker

(CLAPPING)

WOMEN:
Whoa!

- Yah!

- (GROANING AND SHOUTING)

It's a batsman's world.

MERV:
Bring it here, boy.

(WHISTLES)

Good boy. Good on ya. Eugh!

Here you go, Mouse.

Oh, gross, Merv!

(LAUGHTER)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

SPOCK:
Come on, Taka,

bowl them up. Come on.

(CLANG!)

(MEN SHOUT)

- MERV:
Howzat!

Sorry, it's caught behind, Taka.

Is that out? How is that an out?

- You didn't tell me that.

- It's an automatic wicky.

Wicky, what is... what is wicky?

What the frig is a wicky?

It's in our constitution, Taka.

Our forefathers invented it

so blokes like me wouldn't have

to put their beer down.

(WHISPERING) OK,

No ball! Same as last year.

You are well aware my action

is totally legal, Spock.

So you keep telling us, Murali.

- No ball.

- MEN:
Whoa-ho-ho!

Six and out!

Go and get that one, Mouse.

I'll get the next one.

No more than 15 degrees, Binny.

MAC:
They're at it again, Wilma.

Bloomin' barbies and cricket

all day long!

(CHUCKLES) Looks like they're

settled in for a big one.

WILMA:

Might have to turn the hose on them

if they get too rowdy.

Nice idea, Wilma.

What do you know about

this meeting tomorrow at work?

No idea, mate.

Feel like a mushroom at work,

always in the dark.

Thanks, Mouse. Must be my bowl.

Hang on, mate. Hang on.

Bat for ball.

Oh, go on. I'll keep wicky.

See that, boys? Nice, high elbow.

You'll see this finger up very high in a

minute, Douglas, if you don't shut up!

Nice one, Bin. I'm with you.

Just trying to educate you in

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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