Bachelors Page #4

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Aw, perfect.

Who's here?

Harold. It's Harold!

How you doin', Harold?

Harold is another buddy

from college.

Harold's got a wife, two kids,

and a big job at a bank.

Overall, he's a great guy.

But Harold has

a serious problem.

Porno flicks, cybersex,

porn magazines, strip clubs.

You name it, Harold's into it.

Harold is one of those guys

who doesn't mind spending.

And he never wants to go home.

I mean, he never, ever, ever,

ever wants to go home.

But if you went home with

Harold and saw his wife,

you might understand.

I don't like

to call people ugly,

but Harold's wife

is f***ing hideous.

And God forgive me

for saying this:

Even the kids are ugly.

I can honestly say

that tonight's event

means more to Harold

than anybody.

And he's not even

the one getting married.

Maybe you could come

socialize, huh?

Hey, guys.

This is bullshit!

That chick I met

on ChristianMingle?

Lesbian.

Then I spent all my goddamn

money on this goddamn liquor.

F***in' in debt

'cause of that monkey suit.

This is bullshit, man!

This is bullshit!

Stanley is Sean's older

and only brother.

I call Stanley

the ultimate pessimist

because he has to be the most

negative motherf***er

to ever walk the planet.

He sees the negative side

of everything,

especially

when it comes to Sean.

- Freeze!

- Ohh!

Sh*t! Just the motherf***er

I wanna see. What's up, man?

You ready to tie the knot

tomorrow, cousin?

You mean get sentenced?

Hey, man, you're lookin' good.

It's a slick shirt, cousin.

That's the ugliest f***in'

shirt I've ever seen.

- You deal with that.

- Thank you, Stanley.

According to Sean, Stanley's

only been remotely happy

one time in his life.

Supposedly, this is

a true f***in' story.

Stanley had just gotten married.

He thought his wife was

the most wonderful woman

on the entire goddamn planet.

Stanley was actually in love.

But that night,

a demon killed Stanley's wife

and took over her body.

From that point on,

Stanley lived with a demon.

The demon eventually divorced

Stanley and took everything.

He's got three kids

the demon won't let him see,

but he pays child support for.

He's got a bullshit job where

he's overworked and underpaid.

He's in debt,

the IRS is on his ass,

he's got high blood pressure.

I could go on, but it's all bad.

Sean wanted his big brother

to be his best man.

But I don't think

Stanley felt too honored.

I can't afford this.

This party is costing me

an arm and

three f***in' legs, man!

I always feel kinda sorry

for Stanley.

It has to be shitty

to go through life

always seeing and expecting

the bad in everything.

I'm probably gonna get cancer...

in my cock.

Hey, man,

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