Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging Page #5

- That's very common with beginners.

- Great.

Next, movement.

When I move my head in

you go the other way.

The boy leads and the girl always fits in.

- Where should I put my hands?

- The waist is safest.

You're a quick learner. Now, tongues.

They're a health and safety issue.

The secret is to strike the right balance

between yielding and giving.

Start slowly, like a turtle, not a lizard.

Avoid washing machine syndrome.

Sadly, this session's over.

My next client's here.

- Hi, Georgia.

- Hi, El.

Thank you, Georgia. I'll be in touch.

You did tongues, didn't you?

Number six.

You did a big fat tongue sandwich,

didn't you?

Oh, my God.

All I know is, he was from Saliva City.

But who cares?

I'm a snogging sensation.

Wait!

Mum? Dad?

I just want you both to know how much I

really appreciate all you've done for me.

I mean, it can't be easy since

you can hardly remember being my age

'cause it was so long ago.

Have you been inhaling fumes

from the science lab?

I want to talk party details.

Oh, Georgia. I told you I needed

to talk about something important.

Oh, this is important!

- Oh, all right! You go first.

- Can I invite boys?

You haven't got some fancy fellow

we don't know about, have you?

No. Honestly, Dad.

No one says "fella" any more.

This isn't the Middle Ages, you know.

Or the '70s as you call it.

Sorry, Dad. I must be hormonal.

Can I have a D. J?

Why would we pay for one when

we've already got one in the family?

- What?

- Oh, yes.

No way.

Oh, I want music from this century, Dad.

If we hire a club,

we'll get a D.J. thrown in.

We are not going to hire a club.

I can get a very good rate

at the community hall.

We've thrown

some legendary bashes there.

We still know how to get down.

Hey, wait, missy.

I haven't told you my news.

Okay, just please stop snogging.

It's not normal.

- I have been offered a promotion.

- Oh, cool.

Maybe I can get a PDA

instead of a mobile now?

Georgia, where in the world do you find

the most geomagnetic thermal activity?

- I don't know, Dad.

- New Zealand.

That's the slight catch.

The job's in New Zealand.

- What?

- Look, I know it's a big deal

and I don't have to decide anything yet.

I really want to discuss it

with all the family.

It's a bit of a shock for us all

but your dad's not going to do

anything we're not happy with.

Oh, Dad, you should totally go.

What an opportunity.

Yes. One less parent to deal with.

If Dad goes to New Zealand

I can easily get around Mum

and have my dream party.

Now, I just need a plan to show Robbie

I'm a natural born snogger.

So, I've figured out what I've got

that Slaggy Lindsay doesn't.

Hair on the back of your legs?

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