Angus Thongs And Perfect Snogging

For the zillionth time, Dad, I'm an adult.

You don't have to stalk me.

Georgia,

I said I'm dropping you off.

Now, just take off that shell

and get in the car.

Dad, my costume is the business.

I don't want it to get crushed.

You look fantastic, love.

I just don't want you

walking around the streets on your own.

Do you have any idea

how long it took to get this right?

I have to make an entrance.

What's that?

And what are you supposed to be?

An obese leprechaun?

Anyone can see I'm a stuffed olive.

Stuffed is right.

What happened to you, Ellen?

You were supposed to come

as a cocktail sausage.

Well, my mum said no,

her being a vegetarian and all.

Jas? Cheese and pineapple stick?

Well, the cheese made me look fat

and yellow washes me out.

I didn't know how to be a vol au vent.

But we said we'd all go

as hors d'oeuvres to be original.

It was supposed to be a laugh.

But boys don't like girls for funniness.

- Sorry, Georgia.

- Wait, Georgia.

- Georgia, don't go.

- Georgia!

Georgia, what are you doing?

You'll be late for your first day

back at school.

I'm coming.

- Georgia, Mummy wants you.

- Libby.

Oh, flip, flipper and flipping hell!

Excusez-moi. C'est trs grotesque.

If you don't mind?

Oi! Cheeky.

Libby, stop putting Angus in the fridge.

What do you want

for breakfast, munchkin?

Stuffed olive?

Just because I did something so beyond

the Valley of Sad City last night

it doesn't give you the right,

as my parents, to humiliate me further.

Today is the first day of my life

as the new Georgia.

And who is she, my little elf?

She's not an "elf". Not a munchkin.

She is a mature, sophisticated woman

called Ms Georgia Nicolson.

So, to celebrate the new me,

I've decided what I want to do

for my birthday party this year.

I want a proper party in a club,

with a D.J.

You're not old enough to get into a club,

never mind hire one out for a party.

If you haven't noticed, I'm a woman now.

I wear a bra!

Bob.

Are you really trying to

damage me permanently?

There's no way that you are having

a party in a club

where there's drinking,

and it's full of randy men.

What sort of parents

do you think we are?

- Do you really want me to answer that?

- That's enough, missy.

- Why would we damage you?

- We made you.

Honestly, Georgia, this attitude is...

Welcome to the tragic universe

that is my sad life.

Why? I'll give you

five major reasons why.

Number one,

my parents are from the Stone Age.

- No us, no you.

- God knows what you'd do.

- You understand? You wouldn't exist.

- Yeah.

Number two, they hate me having a life

'cause theirs are practically over

and mine's just starting.

- And it's not good enough.

- Honestly. Every year it's...

- Number three.

...a performance...

My little sister's bonkers. Poor Angus

will need even more therapy than me.

- A lot of trouble!

...because of your fifteenth birthday...

- Number four...

...it's not good enough.

- ... my nose is the size of Jupiter.

...so ungrateful.

- I need to go into an ugly home.

- Georgia,

what have you gone and done now?

How did you manage

to pluck them all so quickly?

You haven't, have you?

Oh, crikey. Bob, she shaved them.

Number five, I'll never get a boyfriend.

What's the hurry

with growing up so fast?

Why don't you just enjoy being 14?

Enjoy being 14? How twisted is that?

And if home isn't mental enough,

I have to spend all day at this loony bin,

or as some people call it, school.

Sometimes I think Jas and I are

the only normal people here.

There's Dave the Laugh.

- Why do they even call him that?

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