American Wedding Page #5

that she can't get.

The dress she wants is Amsale.

They have a store in Chicago.

If we leave right now,

we can get there by

the time they close.

It's a three-hour drive.

STIFLER:

Three-hour drive?

Kick f***ing ass!

Are we going to Chicago

to see titties?

We are talking about

getting Michelle

a dress in Chicago.

Now, please vanish.

Hey, Finch, what's

the capital of Thailand?

Bang cock.

(LAUGHS)

Dude...

Okay, I got shotgun.

(GROANING)

STIFLER:
Let's get this

dress sh*t over with.

The strip bar's

got free hot wings

before 7:
00.

Now, Jim, let me handle this.

These are my people.

They're gay?

No, you bleeding imbecile,

they have style.

They're cultured.

They're sophisticated.

So they're gay.

So, mademoiselle,

I'm sure that

you can appreciate

that monsieur here

is stuck right between

Scylla and Charybdis.

(CHUCKLES)

Yes, I'm afraid

he's no Ulysses.

Okay, what's happening here?

You need to speak

to my dressmaker.

That's who would

actually make the dress,

and I'm afraid Leslie

has gone for the day.

All right, she said

she'd probably be at

one of these bars

here on Halstead.

I say we split up, ask around

for a Leslie Summers.

Right.

Hey there,

sweet little thing.

Hey there,

you sweet manly thing.

You know,

I really love your shirt.

Do I know you?

I'm Jennifer.

Well, Jennifer,

just relax, take it slow,

and let the good times roll,

because Daddy's

a regular here!

Do you wanna get a drink?

You're goddamn right I do.

(WHOOPS)

Two cold ones.

You know, my friend would

really dig your vibe.

Will you wait here?

Sure thing, babe.

Good.

All right.

How you feeling, sexy?

Pretty good.

Whoa! You have a deep voice.

That's not all.

(LAUGHS)

Oh! Right.

You look

really cute tonight.

Thanks. I guess.

What the...

(SMACKS)

Oh, hey!

Feeling a little frisky?

Oh!

Game over.

What's happening here?

Hey. Any luck?

Not so much.

All right, let's...

This is Bear.

Hey!

Wow, you are a bear.

(BOTH ROAR)

Yeah.

(BARKS)

How much you bench?

How much you weigh?

Why? You wanna try

and pick me up?

Yeah, I think I could.

Yeah, I bet you could.

You are big.

I could use a guy

like you on my team.

Are you talking

about our team?

Or an actual team?

What the hell is "our team"?

Hi, where's the girl?

(GASPS) What the f***

are we talking about?

You need to take

another look around.

You look fabulous!

Hey, honey.

Oh, my God.

What the f*** is going on?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Come on,

is that all you've got?

(GASPS)

P*ssy!

I must have came

to the wrong place.

Stifler.

Stifler.

Oh, man.

Hey.

It's so good to see you.

How did you get up the nerve

to check out a gay bar?

Really don't wanna

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