American Wedding Page #4

you're invited?

(SLURPING)

I already called up

Jim's mom. Got the info.

I'm preparing for

the festivities.

It's time for me to boom-boom

with the bridesmaids,

Finchfucker.

'Cause I'm gonna hang out

with my wang out.

And I'm gonna rock out

with my cock out!

Yeah, that's what

I'm talking about.

(LAUGHS)

JIM:
All right, Stifler.

This is a little

difficult to explain.

Look, you're okay.

You're okay.

I mean, I like you.

Yeah, great.

You can blow me

after practice.

I'm working, dude.

(YELLING)

Come on! Work it! Hustle!

See, my mom

didn't know that...

Push it! Move it! Come on!

There was a misunderstanding.

You're not invited!

Hold!

Dude, how the hell

do you even think

you're getting married?

I've been looking out

for your sex life

since high school.

You what?

Oh! Oh!

(LAUGHS)

The first tits

this guy ever saw

were because of me!

The first girl

he ever hooked up with

was at my party,

at my cottage!

That girl's

the girl he's marrying.

The Stiffman

showed him the way.

Can I get a hallelujah?

Hallelujah, Stifler!

But, my f***ers,

this mofo right here

does not want

the Stifmeister,

the Grand f***ing Facilitator

to attend the wedding.

Who sucks donkey dick?

Jim sucks donkey dick!

The answer's no, okay?

I'm sorry.

The answer's no.

I can dance.

What?

I can dance.

(ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)

STIFLER:

Five, six, seven, eight...

Okay. What exactly

is this here?

Left box turn.

Left box turn. Okay.

Hi. Stop looking

into my eyes.

Sorry. Sorry.

Now how do you know this?

How do you know

how to do this?

My mom made me take it

for three f***in' years.

Yeah?

I hated it.

No, you're really good.

You should take

ballet or something.

Fuckface!

What part of

"this sucks my ass"

do you not

under-f***in'-stand?

This is exactly

what I'm talking about,

Steven.

You can't behave like this.

If you wanna

come to the wedding,

I'm sorry,

you cannot act like this.

Are you saying

I'm impolite or something?

Impolite would

be an improvement.

Look, just try not to be,

you know, you.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

F*** this sh*t.

It's not worth it.

Wait, Stifler. Hold on.

Okay, what if you planned

the bachelor party?

With a dildo show?

Sure. If you can

find the time to fit it in,

go ahead.

Surprise me.

Sorry, chief.

It only gets

you halfway there.

What do you mean?

I need assurances that

I'm gonna get some quality

action at this wedding.

(STUTTERING) I'm sorry,

I can't make that promise.

Well, let me put it

to you this way, Jimbo.

No p*ssy, no dancing. Okay?

No p*ssy, no dancing.

How's that for polite?

(RAZZING)

(CACKLES)

Jim, your suspicions

are confirmed.

Michelle wants a dress

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