Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa Page #3

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figures for North Norfolk on page 6.

Then if you turn to page 5.

Hi, guys, don't want to be an

agenda-bender, but any chance of a wa-wa?

- It's not a good time, Alan.

- It's fine, we've time. Come in.

Oh, we moved the other thing.

Yeah, it's a good time.

Alan. Alan Partridge.

Jason Tresswell,

MD of Goredale Media.

It's not "Alan Alan Partridge".

It's "Alan, comma, Alan Partridge".

I know some people do have two names.

Zsa Zsa Gabor, for instance.

Duran Duran.

Yeah, that's not as good.

Um... Kris Kristofferson.

Excellent small talk.

Gentlemen, to business.

I am here as one of the more senior

D-jocks at this station.

I'm here to talk about jobs.

Like a Nazi officer this, isn't it?

Should er... snap my heels together.

- Achtung!

- Guten Tag.

Silence! Sorry. I meant to miss you.

I want you to do something for me.

I want you to take all your prejudices,

put them in a box marked "prejudices",

put it to one side, wipe the prejudice

juice off your hands...

Can I just stop you there?

Change is healthy, you shouldn't fear it.

I'm not scared of anything.

Not even an elephant,

which is interesting,

because there's one in this room.

- Wanna know his name?

- Pat Farrell.

It's Pat Farrell. Pat's audience is old.

Old people, much like

dogs, are blindly loyal.

And if Pat hi-tails it to

Cedar FM and they follow,

you've got a grey exodus on your hands.

A grexodus.

Hm. That prejudices box doesn't

seem quite so cool any more, does it?

Yeah, but we bought Cedar FM as well.

I didn't know that.

I did not know that.

- The point is...

- You were talking about Pat Farrell.

Pat Farrell is a great guy.

He's always the first to speak up

at union meetings,

being a member of a union.

He's also Irish, which again, weirdly,

a plus point, if you like swearing.

He's often on his show:

"Feckin' dis" and "Feckin' dat".

Some Irish people say Feck off"

isn't as bad as "F*** off"

but I think that's bullshit

or bellshit.

- The bottom line is, he swears too much.

- This is all very interesting...

I can sum up Pat Farrell in ten words.

Pat isn't very good so let him go, guys,

seriously.

I can condense that to three words.

Just sack Pat.

That completes my presentation.

Gentlemen, I'll leave

you to your biscuits.

Gloves.

Oh, f***.

Glove.

Shape

The way you want it to be

Ahhh! That was soft rock

cocaine enthusiasts, Fleetwood Mac.

And this was Mid-Morning Matters.

Where once again,

- mid-morning... mattered.

- Mattered.

Supposed to do it in sync.

- Always leave a gap.

- Sorry.

Simple. Very simple.

You're listening to Shape -

The Way You Want It To Be.

Mm-hm. Right. And will it take long?

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