A Low Down Dirty Shame Page #6

Informative? Yeah, right. Let's see here.

I bet you everything in here's a lie.

''Arsenio Hall Gets Butt Reduction.''

Ah! Page two.

A monkey named Bo-Bo gets tax tips

from aliens. Real informative.

Excuse me! I'll have you know

I saved a hundred dollars last year.

And if you weren't so closed-minded,

maybe you could learn a little something.

- Like?

- You know how you're afraid of dogs?

Now, stop right there. Stop right there.

I don't like dogs. I'm not afraid of them.

Hand me that toast.

Oh, so now you're gonna front!

If I remember correctly,

there was a certain somebody

who jumped up on my grandmother's table

when I brought in her tiny puppy

named Taffy.

Taffy should have been named Damien.

That dog was possessed. I saw his head

spin and green sh*t fly out of his mouth.

Anyway, it says in here that if you sing

James Brown songs, dogs will not attack.

James Brown tried that

with the state troopers.

Whatever.

- What's he cooking? Smells good.

- Sausages. Want one?

- No.

- More beef for us.

- I like cooking when I'm dealing with meat.

- Wayman sure can burn.

He should keep his head

away from the stove while he's burning.

Oh, no, he didn't. Miss Peaches?

Shame, I told you,

he is very sensitive about his hair.

He should be.

Looks like Woodstock went peroxide crazy.

You didn't mind it last night,

when you ran your fingers through it.

- I didn't touch you.

- Don't get your boxers in a bunch

just 'cause you was cruising in your sleep

last night and started speeding.

- That's it!

- Now, hold up.

I got to go to the post office.

Can you manage to get along

for ten minutes while I'm gone?

- I'm cool, Peaches.

- Tell Little Richard to stay away from me.

You better behave yourself.

On the way to the post office, can you

stop by the store and get some relaxer?

And make sure it says ''mild''.

Last time you got me super!

Where have you been all my life?

All your life? I have no idea.

So, how can I get those digits?

Digits? Let me think...

There's my friend. I have to go.

I had to put up with greasy Jheri Curl

and bad breath to get this.

That was everything that was in her box.

What about the number

the salesperson had?

- Turned out to be a service.

- Figures.

- Now what?

- I want you to call and leave a message.

Tell her the perfume is coming in today

at 2.00.

What if she shows up

and there's no perfume?

Let me worry about the details.

Put all that back.

Shame, do not make me go back in there.

You got an admirer, huh?

All right, I'll take care of it.

- Yo, my man. See that lady over there?

- Yeah.

She's crazy about you, bro.

Let me get out of you lovebirds' way.

- Real 14K.

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