A Fantastic Fear of Everything Page #5

Clair was not in her office, so she

must've telephoned you from home.

But as you don't have

her private number

and she's ex-directory,

there's no way you can call her back.

I have to trust it was Clair,

and that she meant no malice.

After all, she has no reason

to wish me any harm.

She had no way of knowing

a man related to a murderer.

Only a highly suspicious,

paranoid cynic...

Or someone like me,

with an eye for clues and patterns

could possibly connect the dots.

Could see the truth staring him

in the face.

That Harvey Humphries is in fact

Hawley Harvey Crippen's grandson.

No more questions, Your Honor.

- (BUZZ OF HELICOPTER)

- Ah!

Right. That does it.

Where's the superglue?

Right. You've done nothing

but terrorise me for weeks.

And I've had enough. I've had enough.

Take that, and that, and that,

and that.

Take that, take this, take this.

(GRUNTS)

Take that.

You didn't expect that, did you?

Well, expect the unexpected, mate.

(DOOR BUZZER)

God, that's quick.

(DOOR BUZZER)

Hello? Anyone home?

(JACK) Yes? Hello?

Are you the gentleman in Flat 3?

Who is this?

Community Support

Police Officer Perkins, sir.

Good evening. How can I help you?

Oh, no cause for alarm.

Just a routine call, sir.

Some of the kids over on the estate

said you might be in some distress.

How interesting.

And what might I be

distressed about?

Well, I have no idea, sir.

Are you in any distress?

No, I'm fine. I'm about to do some

washing and then go to bed.

Oh, well. Just so you know,

we're out on the beat

if you ever need assistance.

I'm just across the road.

Jesus Christ.

Sorry, sir, sorry. Sorry.

I was just checking you were...

Yeah, well,

I'm very sorry to bother you, sir.

Er, I'll let you get back

to your laundry.

Policeman, my ass.

He was looking for something.

What was he up to?

Jesus, nowhere's safe.

Okay, Humphries, you want my script?

You can have it.

If it means I finally get paid

decent money

and get out of Hackney, you're on.

Right. Where's my wardrobe?

I'll show you, Clair,

I'll show you, Catherine,

exactly what I am capable of. Oh!

- (FLIES BUZZING)

- Jesus Christ.

God. These aren't clothes,

this is refuse.

I might as well take it

and dig it in around the roses.

I'd do anything for a break

right now, but not the launderette.

Not for Humphries,

not for any other man.

Why should I?

I've got everything I need here.

I've got water, I've got soap,

I've got drying facilities.

I can do this, Jack.

No more sleepless nights,

no more scuttling around in the dark.

We'll meet this monster head-on.

Well-armed and well-dressed.

A quick thrash in the tub for you,

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