A Fantastic Fear of Everything

Synopsis: Jack is a children's author turned crime novelist whose detailed research into the lives of Victorian serial killers has turned him into a paranoid wreck, persecuted by the irrational fear of being murdered. When Jack is thrown a life-line by his long-suffering agent and a mysterious Hollywood executive takes a sudden and inexplicable interest in his script, what should be his big break rapidly turns into his big breakdown, as Jack is forced to confront his worst demons; among them his love life, his laundry and the origin of all fear.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Crispian Mills, Chris Hopewell (co-director)
Production: Cinedigm Entertainment
  3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
100 min



(JACK) Once upon a time...

not so long ago...





This is the story of me.


There I am, absolutely shitting it.

I'd been carrying a carving knife

with me for three weeks

due to an irrational fear

of being murdered.

I couldn't sleep at night.

As soon as I got into bed,

I started seeing killers.


These killers were the subject

of a series of plays

I had been writing for television.

The nature of the project

necessitated research

into heinous Victorian criminals.

And I had unwittingly familiarized

myself with all the famous hackers,

dosers and severers

of the 19th century.

Faces that would've

frightened the Ripper.

Many a long night I spent there,

drenched in thoughts

of bloody murder.

I became particularly disturbed

by a man I called The Hendon Ogre.

A maniac from North London who had

boiled the arsenic out of fly papers

and introduced the result

into his lodger's broth.

I'd lie awake for hours,

thinking of the brute,

terrified someone was slipping

arsenic into my diet.

In the mornings, I'd inspect

grapefruit and milk bottle tops

looking for evidence of interference

with syringes.

Trivial events became vital clues

in the detection of my assassin.


If the telephone rang at half past

four, I'd look at the clock and say,

"it was half past four when the

telephone rang that fateful evening.

"How could anyone

have known at the time

"how important that telephone call

was to become?"

My situation became unbearable.

I suspected everyone and everything.

Innocent passersby.

Creeks in the corridor.

Bumps in the night got so bad,

I started plugging my head shut.

But I'd soon have to get up and

check for killers in the bathroom,

in the kitchen...

in the fridge,

or in the hallway,

where they kept a low profile,

crawling about in the shadows,

lurking behind creaky doors.


Bloody windows, bloody draughts.

(WHISPERS) Oh, God, come on.


This fear that I would be murdered

all began sometime before.

At lunch, to be exact.

The day I saw my literary agent...

- Newspaper?

- .. Clair De Grunwald.

- Thanks.

- No problem.

(JACK) She'd arranged to meet me at

a respectable establishment in Soho.


You like newspaper?

- Shall I bring sir the wine list?

- Yes. Okay.


(JACK) "The body was found

in the East End of London,

"but the Hanoi Handshake

is the unmistakable calling card

"of a Vietnamese gang killing.

"According to one unnamed

police source

"downtown Hackney,

also known as Little Vietnam

"is now a bloody jungle...

"of organized crime.

"The missing fingers have yet

to be found."


- Whoa, hey, no...

- Sir.

- No, it... Please...

- Jack?

- Clair.

- Under the table already?

It's not even 12:00.

- No, I...

- I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I only have an hour.

I've got to go

meet Ragsie Lawrence.

Remember Ragsie?

The dancing dyke?

She's just been made

commissioning editor at the BBC.

Can you believe it?

Never underestimate a hunchback,

that's what I say.

- Are you staying there all lunch?

- No, sorry.


It's good timing. I can tell her

how busy you are with your murders.

- Up to my elbows.

- Good.

- Do you have a title?

- "Decades of Death".

- Chilling.

- Well, if you want murder...

...then Victorian Britain

is the golden age.

I think murder's lost its sense

of theatre. What do we have now?

- It's just like kids...

- Mindless violence?

Exactly. Yes. Killers don't put any

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Crispian Mills

Crispian Mills (born 18 January 1973 as Crispian John David Boulting; spiritual name Krishna Kanta Das) is an English singer-songwriter, guitarist, and film director. Active since 1988, Mills is best known as the frontman of the psychedelic indie rock band Kula Shaker. Following the band's break-up in 1999, he remained with Columbia Records (a subsidiary of Sony BMG), and toured with a set of session musicians (including a support slot for Robbie Williams) under the name Pi, although no official studio recordings were released in full. After the label rejected the Pi album, Mills disappeared for a short time, returning in 2002 as frontman and lead guitarist for back-to-basics rock outfit The Jeevas, who disbanded in 2005 to make way for a reformed Kula Shaker, who released their third album Strangefolk in 2007. 2010 he released the album Pilgrims Progress with Kula Shaker. In 2017 the band celebrated the 20th anniversary of their album K with the release of the new record K 2.0. Mills joined the band for a sold-out UK tour to celebrate the anniversary. Mills is the son of actress Hayley Mills and director Roy Boulting, the grandson of Sir John Mills and Mary Hayley Bell, nephew of Juliet Mills and directors John Boulting and Jonathan Mills, and half-brother to Jason Lawson. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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