A.C.O.D. Page #3

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I can get a restraining order. I will.

Okay, I talked to the boat guy.

His name is Yuri,

he's a Russian gentleman...

I don't want him there!

I will make it hell.

My God, Carter.

Hi. Hey.

I was just thrilled to hear from you.

- Come on in. This way.

- Thank you.

Sorry it's such a mess,

I've been really busy.

I'm lecturing here and there,

"The Modern Family Dynamic. "

And why don't you have

a seat right here. I'll move all this.

- I just came back from Northwestern...

- That's great.

...Louisiana State College.

It's a junior college.

Well, thank you for seeing me

on such short notice.

I didn't want to have

to explain everything to someone new.

Well, I haven't seen you

since you were 13, so...

- Yeah, I know.

- So tell me about you.

- What do you do?

- Well, I have a restaurant.

Whitegrass.

- On Temple Street?

- Yeah.

- I've eaten there!

- Great.

I didn't love it, but I'd try it again.

All right.

And how is your mom?

I always liked her.

- You did?

- Yeah. Very assertive woman.

And your dad, he has a new wife.

Something Nordic? Thor?

- Elka.

- Elka.

No, no, no. Elka's gone.

I'm so sorry, I didn't know that.

No, she didn't die. She just aged

On to wife number three.

Yeah, Sondra. Not my cup of anything.

But she does own the building

that my restaurant's in,

so I get a sweet deal on rent.

Good.

So tell me, what brings you here?

Well, my brother is getting married.

I love weddings.

And my parents

are being a nightmare already.

And I've kind of forged

this fragile peace between them.

"A fragile peace"?

They always made

a mess of everything.

Like all holidays, graduations, funerals.

I remember the funeral incident.

And I maintain that funerals

need to be about the person who died.

Right. And I got smart.

And over the years,

I've started coming up

with ways to avoid situations like this.

Like Thanksgiving. Who am I going

to spend Thanksgiving with?

Well, they think I'm in Honduras building

schools with the US Cares program.

But little do they know, the US Cares

program doesn't exist, so...

That sounds real.

Yeah, I kind of got it figured out, but...

I don't know. This wedding, it's risky.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice.

Someone to talk to super quick,

to figure out how

to survive the next few months.

I can absolutely recommend somebody,

if I could find a pen.

Yeah?

Well, I thought you, just because

you know the whole baokstory.

But I'm not a therapist.

But you were my therapist.

No,no,no.

No. Is that what they told you?

- No.

- Yeah.

I saw you as part of a state-funded study

of the effects of divorce on children.

Your mother was referred to me

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